Ode To My Black Men by Stone

Ode To My Black Men

This column is dedicated to all the black men that are being or has ever been mistreated, mislead and misunderstood.

As I pen this article, I can't help but reflect on the phenomenal black men that have crossed my path in life. I have had the pleasure of befriending, communicating and "challenging" some really awesome guys in different areas and aspects which led me to write this piece since I am also guilty of abusing the intentions and heart of good guys.

Sometimes I ponder on what my "good guy that finished last" thought of my treatment and behavior towards him when we were dating. Fortunately, we recently had a conversation and I was ashamed, overwhelmed and humbled by his response. It brought me to the realization that some men need and deserve closure and apologies just as some women desire resolution in order to move forward.

My perception that most black men are desensitized to emotions was wrong. One thing I learned from my dialogue with him is that his silence IS an emotion. Black men, I believe are taught from an early age that certain emotions are a sign of weakness so I think that they are selective about whom they share their emotional side with in friendships and or relationships.

It is my truth, that black men can be detached and "brick walls" when it comes to displaying emotions. Maybe it derived with our fore fathers from the slave years of forced captivity, lack of father/mother figure, being exposed to the atrocity of inhumane acts surrounding them daily during the Jim Crow era or the present day unfulfilled need to be respected yet often disregarded, stereotyped, under-valued and racially profiled. The source matters, but not as much as the surface, when truly longing to love, adore, esteem and respect that black man.

In accordance with the conversation from my past, the black man with integrity desires and searches for peace, love, respect, uplifting, compassion and confirmation that he is needed and wanted. He is longing for understanding, affection, adoration and forgiveness as needed. He wants sexual compatibility, mental intimacy, physical gratification, fleshly indulgence and lustful stimulation from his significant only. He needs strength, support, encouragement, comfort, motivation, positivity, stability and to be genuinely desired. The truth revealed is that most men and women are seeking the same attributes, security and enthusiasm from love but usually chose different "routes" or emotional/physical language to get to the desired result of loving and being loved. I have been enlightened that unspoken words are just as important as verbal expressions. In other words, truly "hearing" a person often requires being in tune with their suppressed state of emotions.

For my black man, I HEAR your silence and no longer will I ignore it. I adore your smile, I need your love, I crave your affection, I cherish your heart, I support your goals, I value your being, I seek your commitment, I desire your laughter, I admire your strength and I will guard your respect.

To my black man, for all the times I made you feel unimportant, falsely accused you, mishandled your needs, belittled your respect, devalued your position, challenged your manhood, questioned your loyalty, dismantled your trust, compared you to another, misdirected my bitterness, abused your heart, confused your commitment, scarred your soul and tormented your existence...please forgive me.