Twas the nite before Christmas
and all thru the house
not a creature was stirring
not even a mouse (wish that were true)
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that a large screen Plasma TV soon would be there
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Ipods boomed in their heads
And I in my Kangol and ma in her Burberry bucket cap
had just settled down to chillax...
When out on the lawn came Bose speakers a blastin
Out stepped Santa from an Escalade hollin "What’s happin"
Away to the window I peeked through the curtain
Don’t want to make a move unless I am certain
The moon on the chrome of Santa’s SUV
Gave the luster of Bling Bling sparkling up at me
When what to my sparkling eyes should appear
Right beside Santa, eight Pimped out reindeer
"Now Dashay! now, Dancina! now, Prancina and Vixen!
On, Shaniqua! On, Q-Pid!, on Donashia and Blitzen!
To the top of the crib! To the top of the wall!
Now rockaway! Rockaway! Rockaway all!"
The dust they kicked up as his entourage cruised by,
When they ran over a wino, man did he cry.
So up to the house-top with their spinners they flew,
With his pimped out sleigh full of X-boxes, and DJ St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The boom of Santa's sound system that rattled my tooth
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nick stumbled with a bound.
He was dressed all in red fur and gators on his foot,
And the Kangol wide brim he wore was as black as soot.
A bundle of knockoff Fendis he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a hustler, just opening his pack.
His eyes – how they twinkled! His grill how it shined
His cheeks were like ebony, his dreads they were twined
His lips were full and his build it was strong
RunDMC "Christmas in Hollis" his theme song
The stump of his blunt he held tight in his teeth
Then he passed it around to all as a treat
He had a broad face and a flat ass belly
Put me in the mind of 2Pac when he proclaimed "Machiavelli"
He was stylin -- a damn pimp himself
And I dapped him when I saw him, in spite of myself
A wink of his eye and a twist of his dread
He took a bottle of MD/20 to the head
Bout then the gang noticed
the jug didn't break
Far away someone shouted hit him again,
In the distance a siren
and some broke to run
Damn the noise they aint here yet
Pass the jug they gets none
I likes dem boots and the suit
Bubba you get the sleigh
Man look at dem goodies
Its jackpot today
What about the ole fat dude
We hit side the head
Did we jack the wrong white boy
do we need to be scedd?
I don' know bout y'all
but I'm takin my loot
Got his boots and his cap
and that slammin red suit!
When DJ Saint Nick recovered from being jacked in the hood
He then knew those guys had been up to no good
His half-drunk reindeer were still parked on the street
He'd buy a used sleigh from the Westside Swap Meet
He sprang in the Impala sleigh, to his team he gave a whistle
He didn't worry about being jacked again as he patted the pistol
The whole ghetto hood heard him exclaim
As the sleigh rocked into the night
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good-night