Trust Me - Part I

by Dynah Jaysa Zale

“Skye, you know where I’m going.” Justin fired back at me.

I sat in our bedroom watching my husband get dressed to go out for the third time this week. It was becoming a routine thing for him! He would get off from work, come home, change clothes, and leave me at home alone with the kids. It wouldn’t be that bad if he didn’t think it was okay to stay out all night and not come home until the following morning. I’m convinced he’s having an affair and don’t think I haven’t asked him! I’ve asked a couple of times and each time he’s told me the same thing, “I would never cheat on my wife.”

A few years ago I might have believed him, but every since he started that new job at the Olive Garden and developed a close relationship with a certain co-worker named Raquel I have my doubts.

Justin checked his appearance in the mirror one last time before he grabbed his keys and strolled over to my side of the bed to give me a kiss goodnight. He leaned over and seconds before his lips reached mine I quickly turned my head.

“You don’t want to kiss me?” He asked. Changing his mind about the kiss he attempted to walk away, but before he could I grabbed a hold of his hand.

“Justin, can’t you stay home tonight?” I pleaded.

“Skye, you ask me the same thing every night. You know why I can’t stay.”

If he said what I thought he was going to say I was going to scream. “Raquel is waiting on me.” He replied.

Ah! I screamed inside my head. “You act like she’s your wife!” I yelled. “I’m your wife. She doesn’t have your children. Our children are down the hall sleeping, but you spend more time with Raquel’s children then you do with your own. Your neglect is hurting Spencer and Elijah.”

An angry expression formed on his face, “I have never neglected my children. I am a good father and husband. You should know that because I’ve been taking care of your ass for the past six months.” He hollered in my face. “I pay all the bills without any help from you. I go out because I’m stressed from working hard all day long. So the next time you want to accuse me of neglecting my children remember who pays the bills around here and who doesn’t. When you get a job then you can start critiquing my parenting skills. Until then keep you mouth shut!” He grabbed his jacket and before he walked out our bedroom he turned to face me, “Skye, you need to trust me more. Your lack of trust in me is what’s going to tear this family apart.” He closed the door behind him.

After he left I laid in the bed for over an hour thinking about what he said. Maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn’t giving him enough credit. I could overreact at times. There is nothing wrong with a man going out a few nights a week to enjoy himself. My daddy did it so why can’t he without me trying to make him feel guilty. I’ve got to learn to be more trusting.

Sitting on Justin’s dresser a picture of him and Raquel engaged in a friendly hug taunts me. I stare at the photo and I can see a look of joy in Justin’s eyes. A look I haven’t seen in a very long time.

I turn my back towards the photo, but my thoughts still revert back to Justin and Raquel. He insists there is nothing going on between them, but every time she calls my house at four o’clock in the morning and he leaves the room to talk to her I find it hard to believe that they are only friends.

The following morning I’m sitting in the kitchen sipping on a cup of freshly brewed coffee when I hear Justin return from his night out with Raquel. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup.

“Where are the kids?” he asked.

“Upstairs getting dressed.” Again, I was mad that he stayed out all night, but I refused to argue with him again so I tried to ignore him. I placed my cup down on the kitchen table and turned to leave the room.

“Wait, don’t leave?” He asked. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

I faced him to hear what he had to say.

“I got an apartment and I’ll be moving out in the beginning of the New Year.”

His words knocked the air out of me. His moving out was a surprise I wasn’t expecting. It felt like he sucker punched me with a quick right that I never saw coming. I grab a hold of the nearest kitchen chair to maintain my balance. “You’re leaving me and the children.”

“I can’t live here any longer.”

“Last night, you tell me to trust you more and the following morning you decide to leave me. What am I suppose to do? How am I supposed to pay all the bills? You know I’m not working”

He turned his face away from me.

“I can’t believe you’re telling me this three days before Christmas.”

“Would you have preferred I told you on Christmas?” He replied arrogantly as if he was doing me a favor.

“You son of a…” but before I could finish my sentence I could hear my son calling for me. “I’ll be right their Spencer.” I looked at Justin one last time and left before I said something I would later regret. * * *

I managed to keep up with the mortgage payments by myself for a few months. I spent my entire savings, borrowed over two thousand dollars from my parents and maxed out all my credit cards. Several times I went to Justin for money, but he was just as broke as I was. Soon after he moved out of the house he lost his job.

Pretty soon it became obvious that I had no choice but to put the house up for sale and it wasn’t long before we had a buyer. A week before the kids and I had to be out the house Justin came over to pick up a few of his things he had left behind.

“Justin.” He looked up at me while he put his old football trophies in a box. “I haven’t found a job, yet.”

“What have you been doing all this time? You should have been found a job.” He complained.

“I know. I’ve been looking, but it’s hard to find a job. You said so yourself. Company’s are cutting back and not hiring.”

“So what are you going to do?” he asked.

“I uh…” I paused and say a quick prayer that he would agree to what I was about to suggest. “I thought that maybe the kids and I could stay with you until I get on my feet.”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because my place is not big enough for the four of us.” He replied.

“Then how about just the children.”

He still shook his head no. “You know I’m looking for a job. What am I suppose to do with the kids while I go on interviews.” Justin asked.

“Spencer is in school during the day so you wouldn’t have to worry about him and you could take Elijah to the babysitter.”

“I don’t have any money to pay a sitter.”

“Well, what do you suggest I do? I have no where to go and Spencer still has to go to school.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someplace to stay.” He lifted his box of trophies. “Trust me Skye, you and the kids will find a place to live.” He replied.

I stared at him in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that this was the same man I married. His own children are about to be living on the streets and he acts like he doesn’t care. “I did trust you Justin and now my children and I are homeless.”

For the next three weeks my children and I lived out of my ten year old hatchback. At night I gave each of them a blanket and pillow and watched them sleep. In the mornings I used the corner gas station bathroom to wash the children up and get Spencer ready for school. From there things got worse between Justin and me.

To be continued…..

Trust Me - Part I by Dynah Jaysa Zale

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