sitting here just thinking of old times,
laughs and smiles back when days were 
long & warm and God sho nuff smiled 
down on me with His Love. Back when 
I usta love and be loved. Back when
love was so plentiful & commonly
present in my vocabulary. Oh how 
swell it is to love and be loved. 
I had love for everything most 
importantly I loved life, especially
my own life. I had numerous friends
which I all loved. I had a boyfriend
which I loved, not the same as I loved
my friends, or family though. I loved
my man with all my strength, all my heart,
with all my mind. I loved him so much it hurt.
Shyt there is no pleasure with out pain, 
and the pain from loving this man with all 
the energy I could muster was my joy. 
I loved so much about him I even loved 
his funky breath in the morning!
Now you know that's love! 
I loved him everyday, 
4 times a day when 
the loving was getting 
too good to leave alone. 
I loved him in the day, 
I loved him at night, 
in the shower, 
on the floor,
in the bathroom 
and even the counter top. 
Our love was that tight. 
I loved him so much I 
became blinded by the love I gave. 
Showering him with so much love, 
I drowned him and he faded away 
with every single drop of love I had to give. 
Now comes the unpleasant pain of love. 
The pain that cuts like a knife. 
As I bathe in the blood of pain, 
the pain of a love I once loved and lost.
I love the pain that greets me everyday. 
I love not to love another. 
I love the memories of once 
being loved while loving another. 
Then I remember the pain of love, 
how unforgettable the pain 
I've grown to love, 
how common this pain, 
for I don't feel the hurt of it anymore. 
I live in the pain, 
I revisit the pain, 
I swim in the pain, 
to be reborn in the pain, 
because to love like that again 
would be inviting more pain 
to be added on to the pain
I already have, 
the pain I've grown to love 
is my shelter, 
my protection. 
Filled with a familar pain 
brings me comfort from 
being bombarded with new pain
looking for a loving heart to tear apart. 
I hurt no more from the 
pain of love because 
I have disconnected myself from love. 
My only love are the dark clouds of pain, 
where I am safe from a new pain of love. 
So I hold onto the old times of love 
never to forget the pain of love, 
I am safe from a new pain because 
I'm not love, 
only pain,
which is my only true love nowadays