After a comment made at a social gathering to a group of mature women by a young married woman, "my couch and the remote has more physical contact and emotional attention than I do!" It occurred to me that black women are thoroughly disenchanted with black men. By popular opinion, black men are devoid of romance. After the initial courting, marriage, honeymoon night and the average 3.2 children, what was once dining, dancing and devotion turns into slurping, sleeping and straying. Black men need a 'how to manual' to correct these wrongs.

Bob Vila, gives men a how to build and repair this old house, Paul Prudhome's culinary artistry, Martha Stewart, on how to run our homes, but when the spark and romance are gone, that's when I step in. Brothers, wake up! Sisters are upset and have formed a coalition to combat this plague on relationships.

They've turned to magazines, seminars, and yes in desperation to "Oprah." As a result a few of my colleagues and I have developed a 12 step program to resolve male romance issues. R.A. (Romance Anonymous) as we affectionately call it. Affection, our number one topic will be discussed later---guy's get pad and pencil, there will be a test.

Women find that after the lust and attention of first meeting, black men find every hobby in the world to disrupt the natural romance in a man-- yes gentlemen we do have an inborn gene that produces romantic behavior but as life with black women progress we mask it and in some serious cases we have it removed or just loose it.

There are several ways to test yourself.(self examination)

1. Do you forget to kiss her for no reason? (just before sex doesn't count)

2. Does an inadvertent touch happen only when brushing pass her to the kitchen?

3. Do you listen to her only to find the sports page or remote control?

4. Does conversation involve more than what's for dinner?

5. Do you call her only to say, record the game or fight because you'll be late from work?

6. Does a romantic dinner and movie mean McDonalds and Blockbuster?

7. Does she have to remind you of little holidays like Valentines, birthday, anniversary, or Christmas?

If you answer even one of these questions yes, then Stella is not the only one that needs to get her groove back! You, my brother, are romantically challenged and in need of R.A. (Romance Anonymous).

Black women are reluctant to love unconditionally if you are not willing to be the knight in shining armor of their dreams. Our children are taught in the event their clothing catch fire to stop, drop and roll. Black men, we are on fire and not the fire of passion and black women will not even waste water on us. Let's start with these 12 steps to get our romantic life back.

1. Affection--the strongest weapon in the arsenal.

2. Communication--listen, think, speak,--in that order, please.

3. Physical connection--touch, embrace, hold her for no reason. PDA--- public display of affection--let everyone know of your feelings.

4. Acceptability--learn to accept her unconditionally.

5. Sensitivity--don't think it's weak to show emotion.

6. Creativity--create new and different ways to show affection.

7. Respect--you got to give to get, give openly.

8. Spontaneity--leave everything to chance, open to all possibilities.

9. Compromise--be open to change.

10. Responsive--act on true feelings with thought.

11. Compassion--understanding and feeling all emotions.

12. The basic foundation for a good relationship, loyalty, fidelity, trust, and honesty.

With these 12 weapons in hand, go forward and find romantic bliss. Use these steps for good and not evil and may the force (romance) be with you.

Tonight, think of ways to say you are still the stud she met or married. Plan an evening alone, bring flowers, candy, champagne and invite her to a fantasy night. Use candlelight to dance to her favorite song. Take a steamy bubble bath together, just to talk. Set the mood with music and let the fun begin. Dress to undress.

Just a few suggestions to start your romantic recovery.