Too soon after the glamour is gone, the love affair is over. Remember the sexy red nighties, hair done to perfection, nails impeccably sculptured (fingers and those important toes), soft glistening skin with the smell of berries or coconut; scented candles, meeting him at the door with passionate kisses? What happened to a new song for special situations, poems on the refrigerator, sweet love notes in the lunch bags? Have we lost that happy laughter and smile, coy looks and flirty eyes?

Guys, in the past, I only tried to save some failing relationships and I know now its not always our fault. My concern lately is what is the contributing factor to the loss of romance. A thought occurred, women play a large part in the loss of interest and lack of creativity.

Ladies and I mean this constructively, lets take inventory. Are you doing everything today (or night) that you did in the beginning of the relationship? I mean, is the fire out because you've neglected to keep enough fuel handy? You know that sexy outer and underwear. Are you buying flannel instead of sheer silk? Does that flannel have a flap in the rear, where the silk was missing the bottom for easy access? Is that smell Bengay or Vicks instead of Shalimar or White Diamonds? Has the melon or fruit scented bath oil become Dial? And check those nails and that hard thing on your heels.

Each time I'm cornered by women who without reservation blame all men for inattention and taking women for granted, I say bunk! I'm standing up for all men. I've got to represent. Women like men have to take a look in the mirror and I don't mean that figuratively - take a good look at yourselves. What happened? Since that first night we fell in love and fell into each others arms, those days after when we would wait anxiously for the Fedex or UPS driver to bring new and exciting things from Victoria and Frederick; the hours of experimenting and exploring each other fondly. I've explained to men that we have to change, be more attentive, charming and creative, and learn to communicate our feelings. These things men are ready to do, but what do we have to work with?

Some of you women spread out on the couch for hours, entranced in the soaps, a ragged bandana tied around your "I gotta get a perm" head; a band-aid wrapped around those lost or broken fingernails and then come to bed with that holey Redskin's tee shirt, smelling like Icy Hot, expecting a romantic interlude. And about that morning breath - I've got one word……."Scope"! What became of the shelves of bath oils and gels? When women ask their significant others about the past sexual favors and why certain pleasurable acts aren't performed anymore, ladies, "don't you have to clean fish before you serve it?" Some gourmets of sexual pleasures have related to me that sushi is more appetizing when its attractively presented.

Now get it straight, I'm in no way demeaning our putting sistahs down, but what you started, please keep it up or finish it and move on. I mean, don't begin dressing provocatively and stylishly, looking prim and proper, well groomed and manicured, always with your best and pretty foot forward. All this and then you stop without warning? If you want a man to pay attention and be responsive to your whims and desires, then continue what you started. Don't become complacent because when he loses interest or strays. You'll know you've given your all. Imagination and fantasy play a big part in a man's attraction to a woman. A little "eye candy" never hurts.

Men, fair exchange is no robbery. Get up, clean up, and dress up. Brothas, let me holla atcha! Tossing a spoonful of water into the sky and running under it is not a shower, and for those hard to get places, use a brush. For those dirty nails and hidden grime, think, NO use LAVA. When you crawl into bed, do you leave a ring around the sheets? Women love a hard..working man, but leave the construction dirt on the site fellows. For those rough skin areas, I've got another word "Corn Husker's". Get another brush for those fingernails.

A woman I know said of her spouse, "He sounds like a herd of rats when he walks across the tile floor!" Cut, hack, chop, saw, those toenails, fellows! This same woman thinks she should get hazardous duty pay for sleeping with the man. She wakes up with claw makes on her back side when he attempts to warm his feet or she's always buying new linen because of the damage done by his hawk like talons (claws). A subtle hint would be to treat him to a manicure or pedicure. What the heck, a BIG hint. Protect yourself from future injuries, permanent scars and buying stock in "Bed, Bath and Beyond". How about you both spend the day at a beauty spa; you know a makeover for two?

Next guys, those socks, like the dog, should be taken out for a walk and then placed in a bio-hazard container, not on the floor. Also, with those shoes an emergency call to Dr. Sholl's - NOW. Fellows sleepwear should involve more than the elastic waistband that used to be a pair of Fruit of the Looms and an old Raiders' tee shirt. You say the holes in the Looms are for easy and quick access. I think not. Wear them to work or to work around the house, but when bedtime is near, try those boxers she got from Frederick's or that sexy little number with the zipper she got at a Pleasure Party. Those thermals may be warm, but the others are guaranteed to make things hot!

Now that we have gotten things cleaned up, lets find new and different ways to express your feelings. Be creative in your approach to your relationship. Women find it nice if men plan a day or evening just for the two of you. Something besides TV, sports, snoring on the couch or an occasional glance over the newspaper. It's been my experience that the time spent together doesn't always have to involve romance. Recently I spoke with a group of '30 something' men and asked, "How do you and your lady spend quality time together?"" I found some interesting although not totally romantic suggestions.

One guy said that the nicest afternoon he spent was while he was working on his truck in the driveway, while lying on his back under the vehicle, his lady started a conversation and he asked her to pass him a certain tool. Well as the conversation proceeded, not only was it thought provoking, but stimulating and humorous, he was also impressed that she had a working knowledge of tools and simple automobile repairs. Before he knew it they were both submerged in the repairs and each other's thoughts. As the evening grew late, they found themselves lying under the truck laughing and talking. He didn't want their time together to end, so he invited her for a ride in the newly repaired truck, which led to dinner out, a movie and something he had never initiated before, a night of passion. She was enchanted by his aggression.

One gentleman arose early one Saturday morning, which he reserved for himself and suggested that he and his significant other rearrange the furniture. As they moved things about to see what fit and where, several conversations came up, before they knew it, the day was gone and they'd accomplished a lot. Especially some improvements in their relationship situation. I guess what I'm talking about is simply communication. Getting past the typical domestic hassles and back to basics and all the things we have in common. Those things that we first found attractive in each other. A thought…..do you know any of the small things about your significant other? How about his/her favorite color, song, book, type of food, quotation, poem? Do you know any of their family history, interesting or cute stories about their childhood? Find out their favorite things to do on a summer day. A rainy afternoon? Saturday morning? Start with these questions and create some of your own . Guess what? You're beginning an understanding dialogue that will open new channels of communication.