The "C" Word... What's Love Got To Do With It?
by Gregory L.Towns
Black men, why are we so afraid of the "C" word?
Commitment is a good thing! As my learned father always said, "a closed mind is much like a closed refrigerator door: There is no light".
Before it's too late we need to shed some light on our relationships with Black woman. I hear that Black women profess to be not in need of a man because of their independence. "I don't need a man," they say, and black men get very defensive and insulted over this comment.
Black men say" tell that to the wall or your battery operated appliance!" This is an easy copout to a commitment.
Ladies can we talk? and I am not mad at you. Recently, I asked several single, eligible, reasonably successful males why women don't need us? Well, I got plenty of good and some strange answers. It is my opinion that once a woman has worked herself crazy; gone to school, worked in a dead-end job, and taken many measures of bullsh-- from dozens of men, raising her children; paid her own bills; sent her children to college and paid for at least one daughter's wedding, taken an average of four men out of debt, this woman should be able to say, "I don't need a man", and truly she doesn't, at least not in the traditional Cliff and Clare Huxtable type of relationship.
It has been my experience that a woman who can decide, explore and implement her future does not need a man to complete her, but one to stand by her side to support her. Men tell me that they're "afraid of the MILLENNIUM WOMAN". I get no real reasons for this fear, just a bunch of lame excuses: She's either a pain in the brain for having her own mind, a real bitch, controlling, or a dyke. Are we so insecure as men that we run like mice when a strong woman approaches and states her intentions? We escape into the nearest hole, usually one attached to a female that is not our equal.
A thought occurs: Men are visual; we pursue the bird with the prettiest plumage. The one that neglects the nest; the one too busy chasing every other bird in the flock to prepare for the onset of foul weather. Some men follow the impulses of the head we use to relieve ourselves. You know, the one with one eye. And as men like to think with the head between our knees (dreamers) instead of the one between our ears.
Men define the women they are attracted to as silly of mind, weak in character, slow to learn, big breasted, thick in the hips and wearing nothing real except the ears they were born with. Why are there so many of this kind of woman in our lives? Will we ever get past the "10" image? Some men consider perfect and find more happiness in a "REAL WOMAN," not just temporary joy in the bottom half of female anatomy. Gentlemen, when we raise the bar of excellence and standards we open ourselves to the "NEW" woman, the same one who doesn't need a man.
Fellows, give me a minute to pull this all together.
When a woman (specifically a Black women), retorts "I don't need a man," she is really saying she doesn't need a man to take credit for putting a roof over her head, for choosing or paying for her new car. She is not looking for a man to direct her career, parent her children, or show her how to spend her hard-earned money. As for the physical part, she'd rather have a toy with a year's supply of batteries. Women say these days of their inanimate plastic friend that:
I don't know about the rest of you, but brothas this new lover has me SKURRD, not scared but SKURRD! If women continue with their new found satisfaction we Black men will be kicked to the curb, and tow up from the flow up, do you feel me? Oddly enough women I ain't mad at cha! Women have a long time taken the back seat, lived as second class citizens, been kicked around, misused and abused and neglected by Black men. Now at least "I (one in a million) hear you roar, and sistah's, I ain't mad at cha!
Men, just because Black women say they don't "NEED" us doesn't mean they don't "WANT" us with a few compensations. They want us to be supportive, understanding, passionate, compassionate, loyal, honest, trustworthy, strong of character, strengthened by our beliefs and emotions yet sensitive to their needs, feelings and desires. When TODAY'S WOMAN SAYS "STEP TO ME, BUT COME CORRECT" SHE MEANS JUST THAT.
Brothers, it is a fact, TODAY'S WOMAN is a strong, no nonsense, goal orientated, career driven "WOMAN with NEEDS". When women want to talk about the "C" word, don't run, listen carefully. The "C" could mean a lot to your understanding of this whole relationship thing.
There are several keys to a relationship: Communication, Consideration, Character, Compassion, Chivalry, Concern, Contrast, and Cooperation. All these lend themselves to the definition of what we've spent so much time running from: COMMITMENT.
Remember, women have real wants and desires. Those wants don't include "JUST A MAN" but "A REAL MAN'. One who will provide them with adequate services that will compliment and foster a "REAL" relationship.