Find True Love On A Cruiseship, A Spaceship Or Only After Friendship
by Gregory L. Towns
Washington, DC may be the seat of justice for our nation, but for a 40 plus guy, looking for a social life, there is no justice. The politically powerful and rich have their Lowensky side of town, or can do Tripps on a whim, but for a guy of average wealth (that means I have a roof temporarily, lights and heat and a meal or two a day.) Well, when you're just off the boat here, you will spend some lonely nights. I'm a realist and didn't expect to be met dockside by throngs of screaming women, but a friendly smile from an eligible lady would be nice. I've had lots of suggestions from those of you who have been following my writings, of which I humbly thank you. Those ideas have been great. They range from the sane to the outrageous.
From the library on the sane end to a cult I'm looking for that person, he or she is in need of real help. I spoke with my mother who asks every year that I'm not married,if I'm turning gay and every year I have to explain that just because a man is over 40 and alone with no prospect of a companion, is neat and buys matching linen, doesn't mean he's gay. You see she's from another time and place and her idea of a real man is like my dad, who was a cross between John Henry and Daniel Boone. Hard working, he averaged 20 hours a day, driven, determined, and an outdoorsman. Hunting, fishing, foraging for wild food; can any of you explain to me why people would eat poke salad greens? This grows where cows dump. I don't see myself up at the crack of dawn sitting in a tree waiting for Bambi or Donald Duck to come by, so I could blow a hole in them with a shotgun. But again, this is what my mother thinks is a real man. I'm sorry, when the issue of my sexual orientation and my mother opinion come up; I get a little teed. Where was I?
I thought long about the library idea and was impressed. Let's see I like books., a woman would have to like books and read, be of average or better intelligence, she would also be open to new thoughts and ideas but like most people wouldn't she be there just for the books, learning, meditation and not a romantic interlude? A man sneaking around quietly and staring would seem to her, or me "this person is stalking me" and inform the authorities or worse yet get me labeled a pervert.
Now I found one suggestion particularly inviting. Why not take a cruise? In the winter all the mature eligible women of substance, pilgrimage to Florida and the Caribbean. So I save and pinch pennies, stretched every dollar for a year to take a dream cruise. New wardrobe, new look, a positive attitude; I'm going to WOW the shipboard honeys and find the next love of my life. I'll wine her, dine her, walks on the deck in the moonlight, romantic midnight suppers, flowers, take a million pictures, sun, surf, dancing romantically until the sun comes up. Do the Leonardo DeCaprio thing on the bow (front) of the ship. I had it all planned. A cruise is my way to the sea of tranquility. I packed everything, checked and double-checked, left nothing to chance. Big Daddy was ready for the romantic experience of his life. Ready for the "Love Boat".
Anybody ever heard of "LeRoy's Cruise Lines", ship registry out of Cleveland, the "USS Disappointment?" Been there, done that; even got a tee shirt, hat and key ring. After this disappointment and might I say, out of desperation, I've turned to the Heavens. Like John Glenn, I'm going where no old man has gone before - to cyberspace. That world of bytes and rom, into the realm of ram and pentium chips. With keyboard at hand I'm going to try the Internet.
Let me explain to you who are not computer savvy,about cyberspace first you go out to your local electronic store, spend about $1500, get this huge box of parts, cpu, monitor, keyboard, with software installed (without preinstalled software you're looking at over $2000). Then you get all of this (now this is a computer term) 'hardware' home, open the box and its at this point you call your 8 year-old nephew to put all of the 'hardware' together, then he simply connects the telephone line. You call a service provider, your nephew can't, he's not old enough to cross the street alone and you have the credit card.
Now the Internet provider gives or sells you service and gives your nephew all the information to get you on the "net". There are lots of forms to fill out, so get prepared. You have to find a user name. I do a lot of research for all this useful information that I write and I'm a large person, so I'm known as Author-at-large, clever, huh? Then you have to devise a password. Now, this one is tricky. A word or phrase that makes getting into your computer private and confidential.
With your nephew as your expert you proceed into cyberspace. All John Glenn had to do was strap himself to a rocket and blast off strapped to the side of what was literally a giant fuel tank, going 2000 miles per hour. which was a Sunday drive compared to what you're faced with. There are search engines and other service providers, with names like Yahoo (sounds like what you do to get someone's attention in the South), Excite, Hotbot, Netscape, Black Widow (This one's for real), InfoSeek ,there's even one called Erols. Next you pick an E-mail provider (that's electronic mail carrier - you don't have to worry about this one coming to work with an AK47). So, you can get messages after you place and scan through other personal ads.
Now your search can begin only after that 8-year-old who is by this time 12,again walks you through every step. Really confused? Keep his phone number handy. If you try cyberspace you and he will bond very fast. You can become addicted very fast; which is good for his parents; that's about 2 years without paying childcare.
I've heard some beautiful stories of Internet love, first meetings and even marriage. After the long and tedious time of getting online and searching the Net, now my 12-year-old nephew has an older woman and I'm still trying to find the on/off switch. Although all these suggestions have some validity, a wise old man that does yard work in the neighborhood, had what I thought came close to the perfect solution. The way to get true love is only after friendship. I'm satisfied knowing that if I want a real and true love, I should look at my many friends and to that woman who has been there in the lean years and cheered and motivated me in the good times. That woman who placed our friendship above her needs and we both held each other in high regards. As a realist, I guess I've always known that any and all relationships should start - exist - and even end with friendship.
Again thanks everyone for so many good and helpful suggestions. The cruise ship was a Titanic disaster and the Internet left me "Lost in Space" but that friendship will sail forever.