Beyonce is Getting On My Nerves Again

by Tonya Ellis

Beyonce is getting on my nerves again, I think it's because she's from Texas. For the last 10 years or so anytime I'm down home in Texas (which has been at least half a dozen times easy) no matter where I'm at restaurant, bar, corner store, etc... I always tend to hear constant chatter about Beyonce and Destiny's Child. Lately it's just plain old Lady B previously of Destiny's Child fame since she has become so famous in her own right. Today is the day that has finally arrived that everyone down in Texas has pretty much been anticipating- Beyonce and Destiny's Child are doing the half time show for the Super Bowl this year.

Of course there is lots more anticipation since this is Beyonce's return to the stage since having her baby. I'm not the biggest Beyonce or Destiny's Child fan. I think they are talented but don't own any of their music personally because it's really not my taste musically. Part of me does understand though that for some girls from Texas to make it big on a worldwide stage does bring a lot of pride for the people of Texas.

One of the oddest things I did see recently was an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras where one of the little blonde toddlers (a blonde of the Euro-American variety) was literally throwing a fit because she wanted to be browner like Beyonce for the pageant and needed to get more spray on tan to achieve this effect? Go figure? I guess it's like they say imitation is the highest form of flattery even though in a strange twist this seems almost like some sort of strange “brown face” thing? You would think also that it would be illegal to be spray tanning some toddler for a pageant? Wasn't there some woman who got in trouble for taking some kid to a tanning salon recently? But such is the psyche of America the constant quest for physical perfection and star quality is starting from the cradle now only to end up with a botox and plastic surgery inflicted body in the grave after we live too be 100 yrs old. All of this will be the norm eventually since people are presently living longer than ever now in this country. I admit many things don't make sense to me in general when it comes to how influenced people can be by celebrity culture and television in America.

The half time show goes really great although just like the reporter for TMZ said on the air the next day- it did seem like there was a lot of excessive stomping going on what with all the dance moves the girls were doing and all. Of course here in Ft. Worth where I'm at after the Super Bowl there is plenty of chatter about a Destiny's Child reunion. Everyone keeps talking about how great Kelly looks and there is the usual complaints about Michelle the third wheel member who everyone feels is not quite as exciting as the other two.

I finally got fed up when I had to have one too many conversations about Beyonce during the week and was almost dying from laughing so hard while watching the movie- Obsessed- starring Beyonce. Believe me this viewing was forced upon me against my will which is why initially I almost came to blows with the parties involved - “What? Has everyone just gone crazy? Why must I have to have constant conversations about someone I don't even know???!!!”

Later that evening I finally calm down and come down from my Beyonce over exposure blow up. After all she's not Rihanna and at least she does have some talent although it's not in the arena of acting. Although I must say- Beyonce's movie Obsessed was really funny even though I'm sure it wasn't intended to be a comedy it just came across that way because it was so ridiculous. I strike up one of my “making big money” discussions with Cousin Smokey about how we should maybe write a script or something for Beyonce to star in. Not that either one of us has any Hollywood connections mind you. I mean who cares about her lack of any real acting skills? Obviously she does these movies because she's famous and pretty. And considering how awful Obsessed was? We definitely couldn't do any worse is what I'm thinking?

Cousin Smokey says- “Maybe we could do a musical script version of Anthony & Cleopatra (Cousin Smokey has musical talents and plays the viola) & we could pitch it as project for her and Justin Timberlake?”

I say- “ Yeah but that's kind a like the Broadway show Aida. And you know Cleopatra was of the Greek Ptolemy line in Egypt- That's why everyone gets into debates about the issue of her race all the time. Although I did hear Angelina Jolie is supposed to be playing Cleopatra in a new movie? I personally think that even though Ms. Jolie is beautiful she's too white to play Cleopatra because more than likely she was of visibly mixed descent. I saw a special on PBS recently where they were talking about that issue when they found her sisters grave over in Greece and examined her DNA- which was mixed. But who knows? Maybe they'll “brown” Ms. Jolie up or something like they did that kid on Toddlers & Tiaras. You know Hollywood is really crazy.”

Then Cousin Smokey tells me something in good faith “hater- ration” for Lady B. She says- “Do you know I was watching some interview with Beyonce and they were asking her if she had ever had English tea scones while she was in England? And she's so stupid she asked- What's a scone?”

I say- “Stop lying Smokey!” And I'm busting up laughing because I know she is lying. I say- “You mean too tell me Beyonce's been all over the world touring for the past 10 years and still doesn't know what a scone is?”

Cousin Smokey says- “Yeah, but she's real country still because she just loves Popeye’s chicken and biscuits! She's got that penthouse in Manhattan and all she can talk about is that chicken!”

By this time I'm dying rolling on the floor laughing but I stop half out of breath because I have a funny idea and I say- “Yeah, talk about setting us back as a people. But I know what we could call the movie script- Popeye’s Chicken and Scones on the Upper East Side! Real classy right!” We both burst out laughing hysterically while rolling around on the carpet holding our sides and stomachs it's so funny. Side splitting funny even.

*Footnote- Ms. Angelina Jolie has already played a “browned” up version of herself as Mariane Pearl in A Mighty Heart. Which is an excellent movie in my opinion, even with the fact that the real life Mariane Pearl is of visible mixed Afro-Cuban descent and Angelina Jolie is not remotely of color. As America seems to be going the way of Brazil and many other places with a history of colonization- I guess with “Holly-weird” the mixed types play out in their views as Whites. Go figure?

Beyonce is Getting On My Nerves Again by Tonya Ellis

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