Snake Oil

by Omavi

This is a happy poem
This is a joyous, momentous poem
This is a poem so filled with cheer
You wont have a choice but to jump up 
And scream; "Damn, I'm happy!!!!"
Yes this is a poem bursting at the seams
With happiness
The happiness is dripping off the edges of this paper
Falling to the ground and growing happiness flowers
Turning sad dull concrete
To bright and happy rose colored particleboard
With birds flying and fish swimming
And little happy children
Singing their little happy hearts out
Grooving to a happy go lucky tune
With a happiness laced drum solo
Ta dum ta dum ta dum
Right in the gosh darn middle
When you read this poem you will be unbelievably happy


This poem is so happy
If I threw it up into the sky
The sun would shine brighter
The clouds would develop a nice golden happy tint
And a rainbow of skittles proportion would grace the sky
Now ain't that just happy
Doesn't that make you want to jump up and kiss yourself
Kiss ya mamma and your mamma's momma
Run out into the street and give a bum a quarter
So he can go out and buy a fifth of cheap gin
So that he can be happy too
Make you wanna click your heels
"There's no place like this poem"
"There's no place like this poem"
Doesn't that fill your heart with happiness
That I can take a break from all the gloom and doom
And bring you a happy verse
A verse so filled with happiness
It will stop all the meaningless, but useful, wars
Blacks and whites will love each other like brothers and sisters
Religions will agree that hey we are all right 
And all little wrong, maybe
Republicans and democrats will actually have a balance budget
Before they balance their own checkbooks
And we will all be happy
Oh so happy
And the smiles will light up the heavens
And the little green men just beyond the rings of Saturn
Will look and observe and ponder and say
"Well isn't those folks on the third rock from the sun so happy
Lets kill em all another day"
Yep that's what this happy poem will do
Food will spoil, this happiness is so fulfilling
Water will just evaporate, this happiness quenches thirst
Love will be a thing of a distant discarded past
Who needs love and sex and morning bad breathe
When you have this happy poem to cuddle up too
This poem is so darn happy
My fingers are happy as I write these words
My fingers are a shade of rosy red, stained with happiness
The twinkle in my eyes shines like starlight on dark skies
This happiness is so catching
Forget AIDS, TB, anthrax and all that mess
This contagious happiness will infect the whole world
Now ain't that special
Now ain't that just happy
This poem is so darn happy
That I'm gonna put it into a bottle and label it happiness
I'm gonna charge you $19.95 + $5.00 Shipping and handling
For some of this happy poem
Call now; this is a limited time offer 
The first six people even get to keep this happiness for themselves

Now ain't that just friggin' happy.

Snake Oil by Omavi

© Copyright 2002. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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