Damn! What in the HELL was I thinking? The possibility of loving, bonding and connecting soulfully with a married man on borrowed time was my belief. Why did my self-esteem, self-respect and self-control decide to hibernate? I don't recall my morals consulting me about a leave of absence. Did I give them time off for previous years of good behavior? What lesson is to be learned from this experience? When will my inevitable defining moment reveal itself to me?

My highly regarded standards were weakened by my ability to mesmerize reality mentally, physically and emotionally. His status was single prior to us meeting. A few months later, he vowed to forever love the one that accompanied him from his hometown. His charm, smile, brilliance, words and appearance aroused my inner woman. Mere words will never describe the warm adrenaline rush to all my vitals and uncontrollable yearning to experience mental stimulation with him after our first kiss.

Guilt constantly challenged my mind and heart after I allowed my body to override my ethical up-bringing. Deluded by the clouded attraction to his mystery and male pleasure organ, I entertained numerous fleshly pleasures during my stint as "The Other Woman." After every physical encounter, I consciously instructed myself to become numb when feeling deceitful and conniving. Lack of self-control engaged my cowardly actions.

Playing hostess to an emotionally unstable, undefined, detached relationship was equivalent to the mathematic "less than" symbol. My willing enrollment into this mentally taxing saga would prepare me for the lesson that now defines me as a woman.

I learned the true meanings of self-love, unconditional love and living in truth. Compromising my ability to freely love and be loved bruised my spirit. My heart was weary from the endless emotional roller coaster. I was constantly longing for my lifeless soul to breathe again. I've concluded that an apology is the only way to "free" me.