"Push, push...PUSHHHHHHHHHH!" That's all I could hear ringing in my ears loudly. The bright light overhead, doctors all around me tending to various parts of my body. A tuck here, squeeze there, suction this or that. It was like a dream, or in some sense, a nightmare. I felt like I was under water, gasping for air, yelling from inside my soul for someone to save me, save me I said...from myself, save me from my indecision, or decision, just for God's sake, SAVE ME!!!

My worst fear, I was living it, right at that very moment. My body went from cold to hot and back to cold, all in a matter of seconds. I saw surgical instruments, while the smell of blood permeated the room. I heard my heartbeat, and it almost sounded as if it was outside of my body. The sound of my own heartbeat was getting louder and more intense with each push, as if it was running a race.

How could I be here, in this situation? If I had only looked a little closer, or taken a little more time, maybe I wouldn't be here. Okay, but there are no coincidences in this lifetime, right? So was this divinely ordained? Did God truly summons this chain of events over the past year?

With each push a different vision popped into my head. At this point, all I could think about was the pain, internal and external that I was experiencing. At this point, all I could think of was the lies, the stories fabricated. At this point, all I could think of was her, she, this person, this very life that was being disinterred from my body. Fragile, helpless, unaware of the circumstances that surrounded her existence. Not knowing that she cheated death in the womb, she tricked the devil, and made God smile. Not knowing of all the faith, prayer and patience that had gone into sustaining her throughout those nine months.

"Push, push...PUSHHHHHHHHHH! You can do it", they chimed, "you're almost there", someone else said. Almost where, is what I thought to myself? My legs barely able to stay in position due to the anesthesia.