Weight Lifted

by Lakesha Jenkins

The fog has dissipated 
I can feel the sun shine pulsate in warmness like tiny feet dancing down my arms
The haze in my mind clears and I can smile again
I don't know when I last laughed deeply, you know the kind that makes you hold your sides
OR lose your breath....
IN fact, I'm almost certain I have not breathed fully, deeply in many months
But I can't confirm that because my thoughts have been scattered
like dust to the four winds of imagination
The fog dissipated 
And suddenly I can see my uncombed hair, unkept clothes & 
smell the funk of my body left far too long unattended
Shock seeps in as I see the image that looks like me but unlike me staring out at me
I feel the lethargy of limbs that have lain too long  in bed, 
too disinterested in life to get me up & get me out 
As the water fills the basin I release the sigh I have been holding in 
Tears warm like tiny torpedoes flow down my face 
as I realize my old nemesis has visited me again
The fog dissipated
Its then that I recognize how empty the emptiness is
I long immediately to settle into the hot bath & 
scrub off all the hurt & solitude
My stomach reminds me that it too needs some attention
My clothes chide me for the neglect as they fit me less & less & less
I tell myself today is the day I do something 
about this unwelcome, unwanted, unwarranted visitor
My hand reaches for the phone but my fingers suddenly grow less sure, more tense
I reassure myself that I am in full control, 
I don't need help, nobody in my business, I've got this!
I smile at the new me in the mirror
I'm proud of the slimmer me
Marvel at the afro crowning my head
Feel good about my Colgate white teeth
I spritz a little perfume on my clothes
Humming a tune inside my head I lace my shoes up then jet out the door
Life is good........
Time races by
But then....like always, one day, unexpectedly
I feel my nemesis descend on me
The fog returns
Cyclical in its appearance
It blots out the sun
Takes my strength & swallows my will
I feel empty, lifeless, inept
I retreat into the darkness it provides
I find for myself a new place to hide
Life is not good!
Perhaps it never was
I can't remember
All I know is the numbness, nothingness, void
I am not Alice yet I feel myself tumble, tumbling down that hole
My nemesis laughs & laughs & laughs
A voice sounding like me but unlike any I've known cries quietly in whispers 
"will we ever get this weight lifted?"

Weight Lifted by Lakesha Jenkins

© Copyright 2014. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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