During the holidays
I’m always amazed at the stories
That come forth when people discuss how they fell in love
When their eyes light up at the thought
Of the first time they laid eyes on the person 
They gave forever too without discretion

I always try to listen intently
Try to find some smidgeon of secrecy
Some avenue to follow so I can learn the lessons easily
Without having to endure the scars of learning it the hard way
But the possibility never comes to fruition

Because as soon as they come to the part that explains it all
The knowledge that can make me stand tall and be seen
By the beautiful being whose is staring into the distance
Yearning for my eyes to end her pains of withdrawal
Just when I feel like I’m about to receive Cupid’s call…


I fall


I fall for the wolf in the sheep’s disguise
The cuddly kitten with the serpent’s eyes
The women whose only wish is to rise
By standing on my head and shoulders
While I sit alone drunk off melancholy
Knowing I’ll never truly be able to hold her

I fall for the miscreants of compromise
The hidden eyes that despise crisp days in the fall
The mischievous that are devious and deceitful in every way
Who have no room for a man that is loving and profound
So I exit into the depths of the night
Because they give me no reason to stay around

I fall for the arrogant that have nothing left to say
After the synopsis of what it means to be them
I fall for the nostalgic that have no feelings for me
Because I exist only to help them deal with the remnants of him

I fall for the unloving who I somehow feel I can change for the better
I fall for those shaken by the thought of love in their hearts
So they run away at breakneck speeds
Shaken by the aftermath brought by those four letters

I attract those who have no meaning whatsoever
In making me happy in any way, shape or form
And act that is no longer surprising
For what was before seen as conspiracy
Has now been accepted as my normalcy
It is my gift for not standing on my own
And allowing myself to be in a prison of conformity

So this is not a pity poem
Because god knows I hate a pity party
And this isn’t some jumble of alphabetic darts
Being shot in the direction of those 
Who used me as a pedestal to get to higher places
Even if I do get nauseated when I think of their faces

Because I don’t blame them
I blame myself for not being able to recognize
The things I wanted were never in their eyes
Never in their voice or the things they said

But I wanted it to be so bad
I allowed my heart to consume my head
Misled myself into a heartbreaking illusion
Left alone in the aftermath to make sense of all the confusion

You see this is a self evaluation
Of every love stricken situation
I have had the pleasure of being involved in

Because the only way I can move ahead 
Is to understand the past
And maybe someday I’ll be the one telling the stories
With someone watching my every move
Until I take them by the hand and tell them to stand tall
Because if it’s really love and that person you seek is really the one
They’ll pick you up to the heavens
And never let you fall anywhere

Cupid’s wings are not for show
For love doesn’t make you fall
It makes you grow

So this ain’t a pity poem

This is a symbol of my growth

This is a poem to let the world know
That I might be still alone
But my mind is not broken
My words will always be spoken
And even if my heart falls again
They will always stand tall 
Fall into place and speak for me

Damn...I wonder how they feel about falling for me?

Probably calling me a hypocrit

Crazy.