*Does Making More Money Really Matter?*

Usually when I begin one of these maniacal rants of mine, I just jump right into the meat of my purpose. I mean this column is called “That’s My Word” for a reason right? So why should I bother with important intricacies of writing, like making the reader understand the point I am trying to make? That would really just be a waste of my time. Is it arrogant of me to think that way? Yes, very much so. But it is honest and I’m sure you all can respect that. Yet today, I’ve been overcome with an affliction that Tylenol could not cure, to go against my train of thought. Listen to me sincerely because I’ve got a little story to tell.

You see I am writing this article for a good friend of mine. For privacy reasons we will call him, “Tony”. Tony is a military man like myself (PLUG) and is a good upstanding brother. He has a great life and most importantly of all, a beautiful black woman to share it with. Tony’s wife, whom we will call “Lisa”, is a criminal lawyer for a private practice by day and an all around good sister who does very well for herself. I’m not going to put her business out in the street like that but this girl can write a check and make the bank bounce ya dig? And on top of all that she is one of the sweetest caring sisters you would ever want to meet. Now hearing this you would think that Tony was one of the luckiest brothers on earth right? I know I did when she hooked me up with one of her fellow lawyers from the firm. But this isn’t about me so I’m gonna stop that right now and get back to the point. This brother was a lucky man.

So you can imagine the look on my face when I opened my door one Friday night to pay for my Domino’s pizza and I see my main man Tony holding my food. I was completely shocked to say the least. Hell if I would have known he worked there I could have gotten that pizza for free on the down low. But the job thing shocked me too. So after I checked my pizza to make sure it wasn’t cold (Cause you know how we do!) I asked the brother what the hell was he doing delivering pizza when his wife paid more in taxes than I grossed the entire year? Damn that is depressing isn’t it? But I love to see my people doing well so I’m not even hating. Moving on. Tony proceeded to explain how he was raised to believe the man should be the primary source of income for any household and how the woman should follow his lead. I know it sounds cavemanish (Is that a word) in this era of equal opportunity but it is not something we all haven’t heard before. In this age, where single parent households are seen as a normalcy in the black community, it is really unheard of in some places. But if you haven’t experienced it just watch the Cosby show a few times and I’m sure they’ll mention it once or twice in the first ten minutes.

But his statement made me curious as to why someone who obviously believed in his morals so deeply, would marry a woman who makes six figures when Uncle Sam is barely paying him gas money? But you can’t control love no matter how many times you watch the Mack and believe you can. It just happens. But let’s get back to this money issue. As I snacked on my food Tony also divulged that he also mops floors on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the YMCA, and drives a special education school bus every other weekend for extra money. Now I’m thinking to myself, is this boy so caught up in his own ego and pride that he is about to kill himself trying to keep up with her. Is his manhood so fragile and insecure that he would go to these lengths to try and validate his existence in her life? The ringing of the Domino’s pager on his hip for another delivery gave my mind a resounding yes. As I watched him drive away knowing he forgot to get my money for the food, I thought to myself, Could I handle the same situation that he is in? What if my woman made more money than I did and would it matter if she did? Let’s display the pros and con’s of this.

Now being a man, answering this question is placing me on shaky ground because women might agree with me (Oh the thought!) but since I brought it up, I will move forward. To a great deal of brothers and just men in general, this is a real principal issue. Challenging a brother’s manhood is like giving Lenny Williams a microphone and telling him his girl just left him again. It’s not going to be good, especially on the issue of money. In the world we live in money is a subliminal form of power. The more you possess, the more power you hold. So being a man, whom has been the primary source of income in many households within this country, we want to make the most money. In a sense you have to ask yourself, is it male ego or is it the morals of the society we live in that make most men think this way. Whoa! That sounded quite intelligent didn’t it? I think I’m getting the hang of this.

But I would be remiss if I did not give respect to the sisters who have come forward and are doing their thing in today’s world. To go from not being able to work outside the home, to being on the same scale or above the scale of pay for men is a significant accomplishment for black women. Makes me think of Celie in the Color Purple in her new dress shop. I enjoy watching a sister in a business suit doing her thing in the workforce. It’s just beautiful. And many of them do not change from the sweet, loveable women they were before their success began. But there is a subconscious thing with us (Men) that says anytime money becomes an issue with your woman, then you have a problem. It’s a version of Pandora’s box in a way with many questions. Would a woman want a man who is not at least on the same financial scale or above hers? Some women say yes, some say hell no. Can a man handle his woman making the limp share of the income in their household? Some say y es but when their woman tells them, “Who’s house this is?” and “Who pays all the bills around here?” I’d be curious to know their answer then. I can go on and on portraying different scenarios but in the end it will only show that each one of them is unique and must be handled differently.

In this new age of equal rights (At least that’s what they tell us it is) and equal opportunity this is a common problem for brothers. As men we have to understand that women can make as much or more money than many of us could ever dream of. Just ask Oprah if you can get her away from Martha Stewart's house with Dr. Phil’s tired behind. Will it hurt our egos? Yes. Will your ego survive when she goes and buy’s you a 60 inch television for your birthday? Sadly I doubt anybody can answer no with a straight face. But the main point is supporting your woman regardless of your status in the house. A man will always be a man. And if your woman is true to you, she will always think of you in that manner. Please believe it!

Women also need to understand that all men will not be rouge scholars or doctors when you first meet them. If you are successful, you may not find a man on your financial level to be with, if that is an important issue to you. If you refuse to settle then I understand but don’t be looking at the trash man talking about “He’s cute” if you don’t wanna holla at him. But you must understand that regardless of his status, some men (present company not included) are going to be intimidated by your financial status. It’s kind of hard to swallow when a woman has more cards in her wallet than her man has in his spades game. And I know you’re saying we should understand but we’re men. We won’t say but we can be stubborn as hell. When we’re dead wrong we’ll tell you we’re right and dare you to think otherwise. Just try and bear with us if you can because lord knows we need you just like you need us.

So as I end this journey down a path of integrity I did not know existed, I send out a plea to my friend “Tony”. Love what you’ve been blessed with and cherish it greatly. Don’t be a fool a mess up one of the best things you got in this world my brother. You’ll never forgive yourself and I won’t either. Because Domino’s has the best pizza around and as long as you’re working I’m eating. So don’t lose that job! And oh yeah, stop trippin on your woman. As always you don’t have to wonder whose word this is because you already know, that it belongs to me. Happy holidays, Stay up and by all means stay black.

Peace.