“There aren’t any good black men!” There it is again! The proclamation uttered from sistah’s lips nationwide. A major African-American female publication asks, “Where have the good black men gone?” A caller on a Los Angeles radio station states, “There is no such thing as a good black man!" During my lunch break or in casual conversations with female co-workers and friends those remarks are made repeatedly. Many sistahs believe finding a good black man is like hitting the Lotto, a one in a million chance.

I understand why many sistahs feel the way they do. Many have been abused and taken advantage of by brothas. Many have given their all in a relationship, only to have the relationship blow up in their face. But, I still assert that there are plenty of good black men out there, searching for a loving relationship with the ideal woman. Just recently at a church function, I listened to a number of brothas complain that they can’t find a good black woman to marry. They ranged in age from mid-twenties to early forties, all had steady jobs, some college educated, one was divorced, and a few had children. I grew up with most of them. By all accounts, they seemed to be exactly what sistahs say doesn’t exist. But, like sistahs they had complaints. Listed below are some of their complaints:

- “Sistahs only want you for your money!”
- “Sistahs don't know what they want out of life!”
- “Sistahs are so unpredictable, it’s like you are dealing with multiple personalities!”
- “I can't find a sistah who doesn’t have a baby! I don’t want to deal with “Baby’s Daddy Drama!”
- “Too many sistahs have babies by more than one man!”
- “I don’t mind a strong sistah, but many have attitudes and are argumentative!”
- “If you treat them nice they don't want to be with you!”
- “The worse you treat them the more they want you!”
- “Sistahs lie too much!”
- “Sistahs say they want a good man, but what they really want are roughnecks and knuckleheads!”

I sat back quietly and listened to the brothas conversation. Many had date horror stories. Some were visibly frustrated. Their stories are similar to the stories I hear from sistahs. I kept listening. They talked for over an hour and then one brotha ended the conversation by saying, “There aren’t many good sistahs out there!” He was wrong, but he like many good sistahs have had his heart broken and feelings hurt. He and many other good brothas want the same thing sistahs want - a loving relationship.

In my own naďve way, I believe if you treat people honestly and with respect they will treat you the same way. Maybe that’s the missing ingredient in the interaction between brothas and sistahs. We all have made mistakes; there are no saints in this Civil War. If we can stop pointing fingers at one another, maybe we can get to the root of the problem. It’s a shame so many of us have to kiss a bunch of frogs before we find our princess or prince.

Gaptoothbrotha
Medical Specialist I