Actions Speak Louder Than Words

by Chele

The words "I don't need a man" have never come out of my mouth. Never. On the contrary, I am a strong, independent, financially stable, beautiful Black woman and I would like nothing more than to have a strong, secure, financially stable beautiful Black man by my side.

I have been separated and divorced for a total of two years and during that time I have had to find my own way. I've had to handle my business and by the grace of God, I believe I have succeeded in doing just that. I have stayed away from the relationship thing because I wasn't ready to fall back into that after my husband and I split. Well, now I'm ready but it seems that I just keep coming up short.

I have been told that although I have never said that I don't need a man, my actions scream exactly that. I take care of my children and myself, I'm not in debt, I have a good job and I walk with my head up everyday. My mother told me that's what it is my walk. She says I have a certain attitude in my walk. When I questioned her about it she said that when I walk into a room I say, "I'm here and don't mess with me" without opening my mouth. I kind of like that. But at the same time it can be very intimidating for brothers who are on the weaker end of the spectrum. Which is okay too because I've had my share of weak brothers.

Is there really a shortage of strong Black men? Or do all the strong Black men want weak women on their arms? This puzzles me because I know that I'm a good woman. Even my ex-husband would attest to that. So why can't I find a good man? Is intelligence intimidating? Wouldn't a man want to share his bed, his life and his money with a smart sister? Or would he prefer a beautiful fool? I honestly believe that men see me and think that I don't need them. That I would prefer my battery-operated companion to a living, breathing sexy Black King. Or married men, who assume that I don't want a permanent man in my life, approach me and assume that kind of relationship is all I need.

Let me set the record straight: Brothers, just because I don't need you to pay my bills or get my hair done, doesn't mean I don't need you. More importantly, I want you. I would love to be with a man that was with me because he wanted to be not because he needed to be. Why do men have to feel needed? What is that? I don't want to be a burden or a drain on my man. I want to be able to bring something to the table. I want him to know that I have his back no matter what. And guess what? As a Black woman I would have to get in your behind every once in a while comes with the territory. But you have to admit Brothers, that no one can love a Black Man like a Black Woman. So you have to learn to take the good with the bad.

So what should I do? Should I put on the appearance of a chicken-head in order to get a man? Should I change my walk so I don't look so intimidating? Or should I continue to wait? I'll wait. I'm growing and learning during this process and I'm enjoying the journey despite the downside. Everything in due season.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words by Chele

© Copyright 2002. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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