Times of the Past

by Catherine Butterfly

Getting old, such a gracious soul
loving you's well worth your weight in gold
as I sat this memorial day
all alone
I have the utmost love and support from my family 
but I share not our memories
all I can do is silently cry and wipe my tears away.

It's deep, it hurts, but it's clear
you are gone, never to return home
wonderful memories so deep, 
yet so near
They tell me this is bad
when they see me they say I seem so sad
a part of me is gone forever in this life
me your spiritual wife
the truth it's buried within my memory 
It's logged deep down within me
It's of time spent just you and me
missing memories times of warmth and comfort
silently of what use to be
a general misunderstanding of things.
gone wrong, can't undo them
as I am all alone,
sometimes questioning what had gone wrong.
hidden pain, with no one to share
major hindrance, discouraging viewing of things
floating from within my mind, from everywhere.
declining motor skills says I am getting old?
confused as how to pay rent or bills
an indicative of what I believe to be, 
a degenerative brain disease.
inevitable demise, growing within me.

my biological parents, confirm what I have is genetic. 
so glad it is they that takes the credit, 
instead of my missing you
my dream of solitude long gone. 
a spontaneous spasm is heartbreaking to say the least. 
performing mundane tasks, is a challenge all on its own
.a well spend life now going wrong.
It's painful really it is , not the physical pain, so as to say
but a pain no doctor yet can take away.
the pain of not being able to do,
the things I most enjoyed doing for you, to you for us 
no, more cuddling, spontaneously,
No more walking at the lake for you and me
putting on a smile as I struggle
to daily get by
and at night I cuddle my pillows after prayer and silently cry.
whispering in the stillness of the silents
goodnight knowing only God the angels and devil hears me. 
and know I secretly cry myself to sleep every night 
visualizing your precious smile 
Yes, I close my eyes and I thank the Lord for such a great vision
I thank Him for allowing me to see you
Get old, and become such a gracious soul
I thank Him for blessing me, as He allowed 
you my soul mate to be so loving 
So well worth your weight in gold
as I sat this memorial day all alone
children all has moved away from home
no love and support from family 
they're having problems of their own.
but I dare not share our memories
at least not yet.
all I can do is silently cry and wipe my tears away
and in the morning thank the lord he gives me that extra day.

Times of the Past by Catherine Butterfly

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