At first disbelieving,
That he had deceived me
Then utterly astonished,
By his action unto me
My heart and mind still
Wouldn’t allow me to believe
That before me
Was my handsome prince
My knight in armor
Had not a heart
Was not sent by God
I saw for the first time the truth
He never loved me
Didn’t  even like me
He used me
Abused me
He first hand schooled me
After all that happened between us
He first handed screwed me.
The cold hearted warrior of deceit
Stood before me
Naked, uncovered unashamed
Feeling none of the pain
That he had inflicted on me.
My brain burned as my humiliation and shame
Jumped out at me
Here standing before me
Was my own master of deceit
Here he stood
Mastering the smile so well hidden from me
How many times had he laughed at me
While he plowed and planned to get rid of me.
My ex-leftist intellectuals was now out of whack
I didn’t know if I could allow him to get away with that.
Almost as quickly as the truth appeared
 I found myself unable to believe that this was happening to me
This was not to be the end of the life he had laid out for me
Moving away from the realization of what was now taking place
I looked upon his handsome face–
And I knew that death and destruction was all he had to offer
 All we had shared was a lie
He had stabbed me
He had wounded me
Ripped out my heart and left me to die
I could not cry
I could not scream
This was a night mare
It was far from my wildest dream.
All our promises was lies
All our hours of pleasure was only mines
My then’s, my now’s was nothing to him
Had been nothing to him
From me he stole the reality of life
That I came to believe he had given unto me
Death stood knocking
Death stood ticking
As I looked into his eyes
All my past was a lie
So he thought
But I had lived it
It was all my joy
He had been my life
But he had left me to die
The cold truth laid empty in his deep piercing eyes
As he moved upon me
Still trying to seduce me
I couldn’t believe this monster standing before me
Was the man that I would have died for
Given my life for
All I could do was turn and walk away
As I attempted to move away he grabbed me
Pulled me to him and smile
Where do you think you are going?
His charm turned on full force
His voice soothingly, smoothly, so very sweetly
 As he whispered into my ear
As he nibbled on my ear lobe.
I went hot
Then cold and I knew
If I didn’t get away from him now
At this moment
At this time
He would try for my soul.
He was nothing other than a spirit of evil
Out to continue me
 To deceive me
I could feel the evil beaming from him
As I pulled away from him
We looked into each other eyes
He walked toward me as I balanced myself
This stranger coming towards me didn’t love me
Didn’t care about me
He found a thrill in my pain
As I walked away he called my name
Softly and sweetly as if nothing was wrong
Opening his arms he stood there calling me.
I said nothing as I moved on
Let him stand there I said to myself
When the truth hit him I would be gone.
After the Thrill was Gone it was a serious appraisal
 Following the heady expectations of liberation from multiple repressions,
Stages of depressions. Obsessions, self confessions
I finally became alive again. 
Never again would I live in such sin
Never to allow myself to be deceived  
Or used by another human being.
My life long lover had brought me before the judgment seat of life 
And survived 
After doing to me all these horrific things.
There is a God 
A God of love
Living inside me 
Keeping me
Sparing him 
He’s best to believe.
Every day of his life he should be
Praising God for his life 
Praising God that I am his own 
Praising God that I truly loved him
Or he would have been gone.