Father, Jehovah God what a road you planned for me,
when You send me into the womb of my earthly mother,
to spend time with my sisters and my brothers.
You placed a talent for living in my heart.
With that talent You blessed me with the gift of giving.
I gave and I gave and I gave what I had.
I even gave to those the world sees as bad.
But with that given I found joy.
For I gave from my soul and it made me glad.
How could giving from my heart, possibly make me sad?
Even when they thought they used me I couldn't stay mad.
I have been a lone now Lord for a long time.
No soul mate. No soul meet.
No fleshly human male to hold my hand when I fall.
Not a one to ring my phone at all.
To see if I made it home when I go out to do the things I must.
To sweep my floors or remove the piling dust.
When I am down and don't well.
There is no one Lord for me to tell where I ache or what does hurt.
Human that is. I once thought I had that Lord.
But You said leave him alone.
He's not mines it is wrong.
And since that day I have lived and been alone.
Lord will this always be my fate?
Will I be turned away at heaven's gate?
Because I never had that special soul mate?
Yes, You placed a talent for living in my heart
Yet I live my life alone.
Sometimes I wonder what I've done wrong.
My family and friends look sadly at me.
Because This they cannot understand.
That I do not belong to a simple man.
Because I have not met that one that can comprehend.
That I can not exist living in sin.
So all the relationships I have had with humans
have died and never risen again.
Everything I touched You turned to gold.
Every suffering taught my soul.
You placed your loving hand on me,
Through life you guided all I did,
You made my choices that made me wise.
Lord the world around me is dying.
And the folk around me isn't so kind.
Because they don't understand me they say I am blind.
Lord help me to speak to them and not be lying.
Why did You pamper this worthless daughter?
Grief and pain taught lessons in gold, Lord I praise You for making me so bold.
I never specked I'd live to be fifty three years old.
Grievous losses made me stronger.
Those I have loved have moved on.
Sometimes I feel so alone.
Loneliness shaped my ears to hear,
Mysteries You spoke to me on winds.
Have kept me down throughout the years.
Lord thank You for taking my fears allowing me to know You are always near.
Angels dwelled at my finger tips helps me to knock off the selfish chips.
And heaven answered every prayer.
I might not see them all the time.
But Lord I know Your love is mines.
I am blessed in every breath I breathed,
For my mama and others prediction was deceived
because not a one of them would have believe
that I would still be here among the living a
nd not the dead these are words that they said.
What they didn't know is You are the Master of my life,
and for me You gave Your Son Jesus the Christ.
As You lead me, waking me up and placing me in my bed.
Many of those folks are now long gone and lying in their earthly beds.
While I still walk around here among many of these that are walking dead.
Help me Father to reach out, and touch a few souls.
Help me Father to bless where ever I can.
Touch my mother who board me into this life
What ever the reason might be,
that she's sitting in the resting home.
In pain, confused all alone, from family and friends.
You know the whys and reasons are beyond our understanding.
All I can see is her pain. Lord her sitting wrecks my heart as well as my brain.
Because what I see, most don't.
She took care of twelve children without the daddies any where in sight.
Lord it hurts me for I know to the naked eye it just wasn't right.
And we children have taken away her life.
Before her time we placed her in a home.
Lord to me this is all wrong.
The woman sitting there in my mothers' body set miserable and alone.
Why my mother this one tells me is long time gone.
Lord tell me did you take her home?
Father help me to do that which I can.
Lord without you I can not stand.
I am a woman and not a man.
Sometimes I wish that a wife I could be.
But so far Lord a wife is something you have not deemed for me.
Not a promise made You did not keep. In my bed I safely sleep.
Once I pull up the blanket or sheets.
Never have I slept in the streets.
You showed me love in every moment.
You wipe away my every tear.
As down through the years you have taken away my fears.
Who has to wait for heavens promise?
You walked with me my every step,
Thank you was all you asked from me.
I try and teach this to my off springs,
but Lord they don't seem to hear a thing.
My son Lionel You gave to me.
Lock up like an animal behind bars,
for me this is rather hard.
They say he will never be free.
But Lord I ask You do this have to be?
Lord You gave him to me. And him I fail.
It's like I sentence him to hell.
For I didn't raise him very well.
Sometimes this feels like it's destroying me.
Knowing that a life is wasting that You trusted in me.
Thank you, Father, for all you are.
With these two words my debt I pay.
For I have nothing that is not Yours.
Thank you, I offer You every day.
Obedience is all you ask. I try daily to do just that.
But as you know I don't always win.
For Sometimes I do sin.Father my love is yours forever and more.
Thank you for sending me Your Blessed Holy Ghost.
A small debt asked for so much given.
For a life of gold and promises kept.
This undeserving daughter says, Thank You.
This letter is to You Father Jehovah God Your spoiled brat.
You have always been here and there.
Without you I have not gone anywhere.
Not a single moment did You leave me abandoned.
Everything I thought was bad somehow always turned to gold. Losses were recouped ten fold.
And I learned patience in pain and sorrow until they turned to joyous gold.
I give You Praise for loving me and keeping my soul.
Lord forgive me for failing those You placed in my trust
Will You touch them and make them whole?
Will you bless them and save their souls?
For Your daughter that failed and placed the children you trusted her with at the gates of Hell?
Let Your Will Be Done, Let Your Kingdom come.
Within my immediate family. Within the hearts that You trusted unto me.
With my siblings that think they know me.
My next door neighbors that finds me weird.
Because they see me sitting alone year after year.
Save my ex-lovers for they truly didn't know,
I was the one whose life was to show,
that Jesus saves and fills with the Holy Ghost.
Instead I lead them by the hand
and Lord they could not walk away nor could they
without my releasing them take a stand Without my willing to let them go
Hell, my Father is the only place they would reside.
Once they took a stand by my side.I would have been their eternal bride.
As it seem now I know that I would by them have been despised.
So not a one of them was I to be their bride.
As I told them the Truth they all moved away
and Father I hurt so bad I could have died.
But You kept me here for reasons known only to You.
Praise You Father for whispering in my ear.
Because they too are Yours and You do care.
"Let them go and not be led to the gate or the path of hell or heaven.
Freedom of Choice they must have.
Your tantalizing temptation isn't fair.
Daughter let them go before they go and be no more"
As they left I felt like a used up whore.
Father, Father I hurted so bad. Nights and days found me sad.
Yet I knew as I could hear All the things You whispered in my ear.
As You whispered in my heart.
Lord I swear it tore me apart.
For when I stood all along Sun Yung Moon told me
an unwed woman can not enter heavens alone.
Blesses Savior I have now prayed.
Give me the strength to come off this walker, and go about,
Teaching and preaching and singing praises and shouts.
Your Truth as You have taught me to do.
Or Lord I know that I am through.
Because Loving You and telling others about You is all I know and live to do.
Help me Lord to always be True
Dearest Father I love You.
Your daughter Catherine.