To any that have ever back slidden. ..

Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?
Yet never listening to your small voice teaching as you answer.
"I am here, come home. Your sins are forgiven. 
"How my Father can imperfection stand before perfection
other than through Jesus, and Jesus is not accepted?
Yet his name is called out.
hearts closed, brain dead, blood thickening, clotting, heart squeezing,
harden with every drop
or
veins burst within their brain,, because of over load
sinner that i am, i go on and on unto the darkness with open eyes,
walking but going no place. Speaking empty words into the darkness with open eyes.
Walking but going no place. Speaking empty words into foul air. 
Thick with confusion and ugly profanity. 
Painful words of bitterness, labeled bitterness of soul.
Confessing, forgiveness, but never forgetting, remember yet denying.
How long, how long will i travel?
Wars and rumor of wars? Cold, rain, storms, floods, earth quakes,
tidal waves. Planes crash, trains derail, cars explodes, ships sinks,
from the deep seas to the highest cloud still i can't reach heaven or hell.
Unlike The  Tower of Babel. Sears stands erect.
Confusion of truth i am not.
Clarity killing me as i move alone, yet i can't die.
Learning but never able to conquer.
Mirrors does not lie so i do not surround myself for fear of what it will reveal next,
as i look into the painful but empty eyes that stares back at me These Truths i know...
Job was, Paul was, Saul was, David was, Solomon was, Michael was, Jesus is, i am,
Judas stares back,
purify my heart dear Father make me over. 
Still i can not receive sin, ugly sin, self destructed, 
darkness verse light always fighting, never winning beaten,
but not drunk. This house living in a house, filthy never
really clean appearances deceiving never receiving
Father, Father hear my cry.
Father, Father how could i have so foolishly
forsaken you? From heaven to the garden,
from the garden to hell, still fallen.
Never able to rise above the dark smog surrounding me
levels and levels of destruction garbage,
like The Towel of Babel my sins reached back towards heaven and reverted back to me.
How long, how long, my Father will i be disciplined?
Washed me clean, white as snow. Yet i am dirty can not receive Truth, Heal my heart,
Make me over.
Good Samaritan Prodigal son, woman at the well still in hell.
How, how many faces have i worn? How many more will i?
I a Fallen Angel, fallen throughout eternity from hell to hell.
Never finding peace or a moment release. Doubting even my doubt because
i know everything is an elusion but you God.
Forgive me Father for i have sinned against you and you alone.
Everything else is vanity.
Help me Father Hold me Father,
My Father, i a fallen angel cry out to you.
Please Father Help me, receive me, and allow me to open and receive you.
Help me forgive me; help me Father set me free.
i hurt all that love me, trust me run to those that hate me, use me can't help it,
can't stop, sinful woman that i am...know the truth, 
but can not apply because of the greatest sin ever committed
"Disobedience" which led to death, yet i can't die, 
returning captured over and over again into sinful willing flesh 
throughout eternity never to be free.
Father, Father hear my cry, forgive me, recur me, set me free, broken heart, contrive spirit,
temporary, eternal only if Father i can now forgive me.
Bones of my bones, breaking deteriorating,
aching, burning slowly chipping away body case sitting waiting
for death to come, collect and case down,
vanity, vanity bones call out to me.
Flesh sickness, diseases, cancer free? All kinds of diseases attack or trying to destroy me.
Flesh can't trump over ego, the great big Id it lives calling itself me.
When God will you set me free?
Life! the God that lives in me breathing eating,
walking, thinking, sleeping half stepping don't belong to me
yet won't die. Nor live for you God are life and you said you can't
live in me.
Standing waiting looking sadly You God stands,
but sin won't allow you to live in me.

"I CAN NOT LIVE IN SIN MY CHILD
YOU MUST FORGIVE YOURSELF.""

This You said to me

"But Jesus cleanse he sets free, repent and
then through him you can obtain me,"

i tried, i tried, i try, but corrupted flesh won't allow this to be... will's gone,
Truth lives, Knowledge and Wisdom won't lie to me...
doomed, doomed into hell fires throughout Eternity