To any that have back slidden at some point

My God, My God how could i have forsaken you?
How could I have betrayed you?
How could I have been so blind?
Now i must live here in a prison of my own doing not knowing my destiny.
Be it forever or a short time spam.
Everyone knows, yet no one knows anything.
Learning but never coming into the full understanding of
anything. Rushing when i know i should walk.
Walking when i know, i should run causing me to
crawl. Crawling like the Serpent on his belly
as he was cursed after his deceptions.
i crawl among human kind never accomplishing
anything, sinning as i pull myself alone conscious
of every sin yet unable to resist, walk away of flee.
(Like backslidden alcoholic, dope addict)
i lie here this hour wanting to be held close. 
Human arms not able to neither full
fill the hunger neither fruits nor water to quince the thirst.
My Father, My Father forgives me for forsaken you.
being cast out of the garden and out of
heaven i travel among the bagger-bonds into darkness man know as light, 
hearing the screaming and pleading
of those gone on before me as they surround me
from the invisible parallel world of the living dead.
Never able to die or live.
Tormented for eternity day after day i inflict more pain calling it
good and others good bad when will it all
end or will it? Why can't i forgive me, why
can't i repent?
No matter how much flesh the doctors cut away they can never heal me.
Every speck of flesh that cloths me ache, are penalized by my
ignorance my disobedience. Yet i must move on.
For through dying i shall never die from creations i am, i am a vast part.
For your words speak into my heart there is nothing that never was.
Only man and then time.
Limitations,
hindrance
greediness,
stupidity
no satisfaction
gathering but never enough. 
Confessions but never truth, moving lips that lizards and
serpents spill from eyes that cries blood,
called tears.
heart Lupe warm never pumping pure blood or beating with enjoyments,
just beating, just pumping, barely ticking,
whining down, running out, skipping beats
tied, miserable creator i am, trying to lead
but being led preaching truths that no one
hears, and those that listen does not
understand, those that understand tunes out.
How can a man learn, unless he's been taught?
How can he learn if he does not accept, if he refuses to hear?
Lesson upon lessons repeating the same crime
over and over again, crying out to you.