The Dead of A Love

by Catherinebutterfly

It's over, at last he's gone. No longer can he deceive me.
I loved him more then life, even became his wife, 
At first disbelieving, how could he have abused me, used me
deceived me as he had 
The lies fallen from his lips utterly astonished, me
He ripped out my heart and played with my mind. 
My beautiful, black, handsome prince
My knight in armor Hadn't a heart, 
All these years I had to come to terms He Was never sent by God

He never loved me. Didn't  even like me He only used me, Abused me, 
He was truly a warrior of the streets, from day one as a young boy he had deceived me, 
Played god, yes his father the devil was his god. 
The son of that cold hearted warrior of deceit had fooled me, 
He had stood before me the lying wonder. 
He stood, naked, uncovered unashamed
Feeling none of the pain That he had inflicted on me. 
Even to this day my brain burned as my humiliation and shame consume me 
I can no longer stand the sight of him
as he attempted to stand before me I bidded him gone, go away, before I do something that might
caused me to be put away. He Was my master of deceit standing before he this cold winter day
I knew I had to say what it was I had to say else he might just think he'd gotten away.
Here he stood, No longer Mastered the smile that drew me to him 
No longer able to laughed at me
there was no room to plowed and planned to get rid of me. O yes a few times I had to look away,
It wasn't easy Looking upon his once handsome face– 
We'd grown old, he was loosing it, and I wasn't to know, 
Had he died today I would not have known, for I did not know
where he lived, who he was with, or why he had left me as he had but I knew he wasn't coming back, 
not into my life. I who had loved him more then life. I would was for him a perfect wife
he had cut into small bits with his tongue sharper than any two edged knife.
I knew that death and destruction was all offer Yes we had shared a lie
a couple of children too, but they meant nothing to him 
He stabbed me, He wounded me
Ripped out my heart and left me to die, 
I could not cry, I could not scream, there was no more tears, 
This was a night mare, It was far from my wildest dream. 
All those beautiful promises was lies. 
All those hours of pleasure was only mines 
My then's, my now's was nothing to him
Had been nothing to him, From me he stole my youth and my life, 
No even his name was mines. 
It belonged to another, Bigamy, how could that be. H
e had married someone before he married me. 
Since thirteen I had been his, since thirteen he was to have been mines.
His all I truly believed he had given unto me

Death stood knocking Death stood ticking As I looked into his eyes All my past was a lie
So he thought, But I had lived it, It was all my joy He had been my life
But he had left me to die The cold truth laid empty in his deep piercing eyes
As he moved upon me Still trying to seduce me I couldn't believe this monster standing before me
Was the man that I would have died for, given my life for
All I could do was turn and walk away As I attempted to move away he grabbed me
Pulled me to him and smile Where do you think you are going?
His charm turned on full force His voice soothingly, smoothly, so very sweetly
As he whispered into my ear As he nibbled on my ear lobe.
I went hot Then cold and I knew If I didn't get away from him now
At this moment, At this time. He would have not tried but taken my soul.
for his daddy had sent him for me.He was nothing other than a spirit of evil
Out to consume me To deceive me, Evil itself beamed from him
I pulled away from him, looked directly into his beautiful hazel brown eyes walking toward me 
He kept moving upon me I didn't know the evil body that moved towards me
this couldn't have been the man I'd loved all my life
this couldn't have been the man who had made me his wife.
This stranger coming towards me didn't love me
Didn't care about me
He got off on hurting me, his thrill came with my pain
I held out my arms, to stop him, 
he kept coming but I pushed him back with all that was in me.
As I walked away he called my name
his voice soothing, Softly and sweetly as if nothing was wrong
Opening his arms he stood there calling me.
I said nothing as I moved on
Let him stand there I said to myself unlike before, 
I knew this time he would let me go.  
He knew I was no longer the young girl he had abused, misused and left behind. 
Our child was a mother now, with grandchildren of her own, 
not one present had he ever bought them or one time took them outside the door. 
I felt something I had never felt before.  
I hated him.  I hated him a man I had spend my whole life with. 
A man I had being deceived into believing I was his wife.

When the truth hit him I would be gone. 
After the Thrill was Gone it was a serious appraisal
 Following the heady expectations of liberation from multiple repressions, 
Stages of depressions. 
Obsessions, self confessions. 
Falling on my knees and praying to God had paid off. 
I finally became alive again. 
Never again would I live in such sin, Never to allow myself to be deceived  
Or used by another human being. 
My life long lover had brought me before the judgment seat of life and survived. 
After doing to me all these horrific things. There is a God  A God of love
Living inside me , Keeping me, Sparing him, He's best to believe. 
Every day of his life he should be Praising God for his life.
Praising God that I am his own Praising God that I truly loved him
Or he would have been gone.

I dropped the knife in the lake, as I walked towards the train. 
For the first time in years I felt the breeze, blowing through my hair, 
oxygen flowing unto my now clear mind and brain.  
Never again would I lone for him, or see him, I didn't even want to think of him.  
When I went home I took all the paintings I had painted of him 
and donated them to be sold for funds to bless the mental institute.  
I had been blessed, saved, sanctified and no longer insane.

To love outside of God is to be Insane.

The Dead of A Love by Catherinebutterfly

© Copyright 2014. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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