I was always cool

cigarette breaks in between pick up games,
a bottle of pluck before the first bell rang,
a joint on the tracks before football practice
breaking in beauties on the water bed mattress -

for recreation
casually 20 years plus
and nothing ever changed
didn't pay attention to the coughing
shortage of breath
& irregular heartbeat
full of myself
so I didn't find any reason to check it out
until I woke up on the bathroom floor
blood spewing out my mouth

back of the ambulance
thinking my beer belly had gotten outta hand,
too late to change 
IV had me in a trance
higher than I'd ever been,
swollen
overhearing voices talking 'bout my colon,
tube down my throat
not knowing where I was,
violently lifting from the bed
talking out of my head
in & out of consciousness.

Sick for home,
tell me I was out cold for a week
or so,
sedated
and when I came to
I realized I didn't want to get
right right no mo',
only way I could let my folks know I was still alive
was by squeezing their hands
when they'd call my name.

And I found peace
and witnessed a personal revelation
from the substance,
spiritual
by-way of the life giver,
despite being sick at the liver

up and doing fine
to start anew
after that
Miracle in ICU.