4:14 am
numb body
awakened
with twisted thoughts
of obsession
the angel of my life
now the devil of
my brother's arms
with a soft moan
for every lie
that I ever told
and the thirst
from a climatic tongue
dripping pools
of erotic jism
for my late night swims
of  indiscretion
and fancy-free f*cking
for all of the flesh filled follicles
that I finessed
sensual stroking
for every night that she spent alone
unraveling
my self-righteous bullshit
hard passion-filled kisses
and soft touches
once prescribed for me
and what once was
is now
the bitter taste of truth
shoved down my throat
in one jagged pill
i searched
for any answer
better than the one
stillbirth
in the pit of my stomach
and as my own darkness
came to light
and fell upon me
with the rising of the sun
I swallowed my medicine
in small doses
with one hand
resting upon
my betrayed manhood
while the other
clutched my cold pillow
the same pillow once warm
when it comforted my brother and i as children
the same pillow now wet
forever permeated with
the same sweet and sour smell
of the same jezebel juices
and the same sweat secretions
from the same early morning sex scenes
similar to this one
i searched my upper room
for divine guidance
and questions
that i could only construct
with anger and
hurt filled words
and answers
still escaping me
as I slept
on karma's bed of thorns
with a swell of jealous contractions
waiting for knowledge
to give birth to some
profound truth
that finally appeared
in the form of a spider
crawling on my bedroom wall
a serpent of explanation
answering the why's
why him???.
why any other man for that matter???
why now???
now that
I finally commit
in spirit as well as mind and body
when our destinies
dreams
and goals are finally within our reach
now that we have
finally got our shit together
why now?
i realized that the spider on the wall
was karma's way of letting me know
that he remembered
my past thoughts
of indescretionatory lies
and bullshit anger trips
and at that indefinable moment
of infinite truth and
circular logic
my number was being punched
Lucky 7
payback for all that I put out
and all that I held back
so without hesitation
I killed that fu@king spider on the wall
and suffered without the reminder