I have found myself recently comparing myself to those scantily clad
Headless bodies gyrating across my screen
In short shorts
Halter tops and MAC make-up
Those girls who wind their bodies to Sean Paul's "Dutty Rock" 
And make more than their hands clap to Busta Rhymes pleas
And for a split second I realize 
that Coltrane and Miles have never asked that of me
Never asked me to prance across green screens
Spread my body across the hood of a car 
Or be one of the many starry eyed and rubbing against them
But then again neither of them had videos in constant rotation 
And images to live up to 
And outdo
Or platinum status to strive for
They just had music
And more than sampling machines 
and R&B hooks and rhyme breaks in their melodies

I have found myself comparing my life to Essence and Ebony and Jet
Wondering when I was going to get that fabulous apartment
That $300 vintage T-shirt
Or have the time to prepare those meals 
whose recipes sometimes contain words I can not pronounce
And have my wedding in its society pages
But I remind myself that we aren't all "upwardly" mobile
Some of us are just mobile
Moving toward something other than keeping up with Joneses
But making sure the Joneses are stable 
and not placing their eggs all in one basket

I have found my life is not the stuff good commercials are made of
I am not the sitcom version of what happens are four years and a degree
And I am fine with that
But there are times when I am curled under the covers
When the books on the shelves don't beckon to me
When I am flipping through the channels
That I almost fall victim to the videos
And my mind starts to "what if?"
What if my canvas bag were a briefcase?
My natural a relaxer?
My tattoos unmarked skin?
Would it make a difference?
Would it mean more if I read the Wall Street Journal
Time and Newsweek
Instead of books like
Bomb The Suburbs
When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost
Am I Black Enough For You?
And The Conspiracy To Destroy Black Women?
Would it matter if my opinions
Theories
Thoughts remained the same?
The same person just different packaging?
So I look at the screen again
Attempt to look into the eyes of the girl bumping and grinding to the beat
Clothed in less than she would wear under her clothes
And wonder if she's thought the same thingà