As I am sitting here I realize that life is a big joke. 
When you are born you are tickled and smiled at 
and later in life you are puched and frowned upon. 
So, what happens in between? What happens is that you grow up 
and begin to understand how full of it people are and you begin 
to treat them accordingly. When you were a baby you did not know 
that people would smile at you at one moment and curse you the next.
So, you trusted them. And when you got older those same people 
you trusted ended up being the same ones who stab you in the back. 
Then you become bitter. You then shut certain ones out of your life 
and then you feel unhappy. Time and time again you allow people 
to get close and time and time again you get your feelings crushed. 
So, now you sit back and wonder why. Why would God put so many 
hypocrites on earth? You wonder why He allows so much evil 
and so much pain. Why would a God that loves his children put 
spiteful people in high positions at ministries and they in turn hurt
people who are not "on their level" ? Why? Why is it that people 
live their lives striving for all this success and at the end of 
life is only death. So, do we live to die? What a joke! 
Please don't get me wrong, I know that God is awesome and I know 
he blesses and this is in no way to be taken as a "I'm mad at God" 
letter. This is just a written expression of some inner thoughts. 
And this is America, land of the free, home of the brave! 
Who thought of that one, probably some prejudice white guy whose 
pockets are already fat. Life is a joke! And here I am busting my butt,
working two jobs, a full-time student and trying 
to be a Christian (which is getting harder by the day), 
and what for? The end for me is just like the end for you, DEATH! 
Life is a joke and do you know what's a bigger joke? Death. 
And then the people here will make you want to committ suicide. 
Yes, suicide! People can cause you to have gray hairs at age twenty. 
Someone please help me to understand. Why is it that people say, 
"why don't you smile enough?" And depending on who asks, you want 
to respond, "What in the hell am I smiling at?" Should I smile 
and be nice to you? Should I bend over backwards to be your friend 
and do what ever you ask of me? Should I esteem you so high 
and constantly have your best interest in mind? Should I provide for you 
when you are in a tight situation and expecting nothing in return? 
And tell me this. Will you be the one who says, "Why are you switching 
out?" Will you say, "She is so mean." Will you be the one who judges me 
if I am not at church 52 of 52 weeks a year. "Oh, she's backsliding!" 
"Oh, she must have a man now, and she has put him before the church!" 
"Oh, those new people she has been hanging around are a bad influence 
on her!" "Oh, someone must think they are too grown for us now!" 
Will you be the one who never helps me when you know I have a need. 
No, I am not the type of person who is going to complain about my problems. 
So, why don't I smile. 'Cause I don't like you. And why don't I wear 
cute little dresses? 'Cause my butt is too big. And why do I get quiet 
around you after a while? 'Cause, you have just done something to 
piss me off and if I say one more word to you it is not gonna be holy! 
I am not perfect like you. My life was not given to me on a silver platter, 
as a matter of fact my life was not handed to me on a paper plate. 
I never asked to be here and now that I am here I am gonna get through 
life the best way I know how. If it is to look stern and ignore your 
foolishness then move out of my way because you can not phase me. 
And I guarantee that I will have a bad day or two, and I will sit 
around looking sad, not because I want your attention but because 
I am sad I am gonna look it. It is going to be an outward display of my 
inner feelings. So, please just leave me alone. You can not anlayze me, 
you don't know me and I am glad. Even you, yes you! You can not tell me 
how I am feeling. Yes, I know you are "all-degreed up!" But, guess what. 
You don't know nothing! Am I am not mad at you but in order for you to 
understand me, you have to understand this: I don't owe you anything. 
And life has not been the best to me, so all this, finish college, get married, 
and live happy stuff, is a bunch of crock. 
This is America, and life here is a joke!