As I look back over the years –
I wonder to myself why am I still here.
From cheating to beating to all the lies you told –
Still why didn’t I let go?
You put me through changes straight from the start,
I still didn’t leave even though you were tearing me apart.
You slept with my best friend – I took you back,
You slept with my sister too as a matter of fact.
Still I forgave you with no doubt,
Even as you continued to sleep about.
I gave up my friends and eventually my family –
You didn’t want me around anyone close to me.
You’d leave the house and lock me in,
Call every hour to ask what I’m doing.
You took all the mirrors off the wall,
So I had no idea how I looked at all.
I assumed things would get better and work itself out,
Still too afraid to ask you what’s anything about.
Leave him is all the world ever tell me,
But for some strange reason I feel with him is where I’m suppose to be.
I know that I don’t deserve this – I’m much better than that,
Then what inside me made this so easy to accept?
I know that there’s happiness out there for me somewhere,
So why am I content with this person that doesn’t even care?
Am I stupid, crazy, some may say weak?
To continue like this I must be.
You get frustrated when I ask you a simple question,
You treat me like I’m absolutely nothing.
Still I continue to sleep in your bed,
Making excuses for things you did or said.
I still carry on as people try to intervene,
Stupidly I hang on thinking you’re all I need.
The windows are black, no contact with the outside world,
All they know me as is the anonymous girl.
They know I exist but never see my face,
They know there’s a house but can’t find the place.
I once was the girl, who wouldn’t tolerate this,
But here I am accepting and loving it.
People look on with grief in their eyes,
Too late to leave now – I’m ready to die.
The ground is oh so cold,
My life flashed through my mind as I leaped from the window.
They pass and stare all in tears,
Whispering about the abuse I’ve accepted over the years.
They all comment on what should have been done,
Little did they realize – I didn’t want help from anyone.
Too late for them to help or for me to help myself,
I close my eyes finding relief and happiness in my death.
As I drift off I hear them saying “no don’t go”,
Truth be told, I let go the day he said hello!