Barbie Manipulation

How is it that Barbie has been everything under the sun except bulimic, anorexic,a drug user and HIV positive? Who are Barbie’s parents? Obviously she didn’t go to school where textbooks are rare and teachers are paid less than food servers.

If I see another girl meets guy, girl begs guy to like her, Barbie turned human, I just want my friends to like me movie I’m going to explode! Sadly, I grew up with this kind of subliminal boob stuffing. Thing is, I never looked like Barbie. I was always skipper and Ken never liked me..cuz I didn’t look like Barbie and I never lived in the pink mansion or drove the pink car. Am I a Barbie hater? Yes. But not like as in “I hate Barbie.” More like as in Barbieology is ruining young women. Self-esteem has been reduced to 36’24’36 and if you don’t measure up, no problem asks your mummy and daddy to get plastic surgery for your birthday.

What do I propose to end this barbaric brainwashing? Teaching young women the real facts of BVM:

Breast- The two things mounted on their chest that are probably two different sizes if they haven’t already had them altered called, Mammary Glands. Purpose: to feed babies if they choose to have them. Great for cupping and gripping. Excellent to stare at and enjoy the beauty of them, all sizes, all shapes, all colors, all textures, dimpled, reversed nipples, pimpled, moled up or freckled. As an added tid bit, they can even be used for cleavage if you choose. Improper usage of these two islands can lead to billboard, television and magazine breast abuse by the media. Handle them with care.

Vagina- That beautiful mouth like organ located between the thighs. Great for urination, having children if you choose and an exquisite item in enter-course. Note: As a young woman you should look at this item anytime you want as it is beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of. Contrary to popular belief looking at “it” is not a sin. Touching “it” will not blind you and choosing who and what you let into “it” is a good thing. Warning if you have “too much” control over “it” some in ho-ciety or some conservepreserve-atist may think your are peculiar. After all it is an unusual idea to have control over your own body now isn’t it?

Mind- That special place the world will do its best to contaminate young women before the age of 10. The fertile ground where seeds of positivism can be planted by older feminist super-womben equipped with the special, “I ain’t tryna hear that mess” gene. The sacred space that decides that this is where the future begins and it doesn’t consist of push up bras/”please pick me” perfume or low salaries if you own a box of sanitary napkins or tampons.

Aside from taking the media and toy companies hostage this is one way to help end the vicious cycle of Barbie madness.