Loyalty Or Love (The Reign)
Heading up the stairs, I heard Tatiana yelling followed by the cries of my daughter. The door to her apartment was already open therefore I walked in. I stuck my head around that corner, Tatiana was bent over in a pair of boy shorts trying to reposition the Christmas tree. "I don't know what you crying for, you the one keep pulling the tree down. You need to leave stuff alone!"
As she stood there bent over with her back to me, her ass looked quite tempting. I could also see the imprint of her pussy bulging through her shorts.
"Got damn Tat." I thought to myself, well at least I thought that it was only a thought. LOL. Those words must have slipped out because she immediately changed positions eradicating my view.
"You can sit them down right there, I'll get em."
Once De'Naja saw it was me, she cried louder and came towards me.
"Who messing with my baby?" I said to her as I scooped her into my arms.
"Ain't nobody messing with her, she bout to get a whooping study pulling my tree down."
I proceeded to quiet the baby until Tat finished repairing the Christmas tree. Tatiana was no stranger to sexy, even standing there with no make-up on, her hair pulled back and Babs Bunny slippers, she was still a force to be reckoned with. She approached me with her arms out to take the baby.
"Thanks for the pampers. Next time I'll make sure to get in touch with Tasha before hand."
When De'Naja saw her reaching, she laid her head on my shoulder and let out a fake whine.
"Come on here lil girl, I don't care cause yo daddy here!"
I then started to smell something burning from the kitchen. "Smell like you burning something back there."
Her entire face lit up. "Shit, my chicken grease!"
Tatiana motored towards the kitchen while I put the little hat on De'Naja's head. She reappeared seemingly upset with the baby. "See there, now you got me messing up my food! Come on here so you can take yo nap!" She then took the baby from my arms, laid her on the couch and stuck a bottle in her mouth. De'Naja yelled to the top of her lungs
"Don't be doing my baby like that!"
"Ain't nobody doing nothing to her, she acting like that cause you here! She a be alright, she gone cry herself to sleep."
De'Naja had thrown her bottle on the floor and was attempting to get off of the couch. "Lay yo lil butt down and go to sleep lil girl!" Tatiana yelled which only made De'Naja respond with an even louder scream. I then picked her up, couldn't just stand there and watch her cry.
"I got her man, I'ma put her to sleep real quick before I go. You just gone back there and finish doing what you doing."
I sat on the couch with De'Naja and gave her the bottle, Tatiana stood there staring down at us. "Ooh I can't stand y'all! You or yo twin!"
It didn't take long for De'Naja to fall asleep, if it were not for the emanation of freshly fried chicken drifting through the air; I might have fallen asleep as well. I headed into the kitchen where Tatiana was sitting at the table slicing sweet potatoes. She looked up and saw me there then began to use more force with each slice.
"The baby sleep man, I'm gone."
She lifted her head and twisted her neck in response. "Bye!" Her hands were still moving but without the assistance of her eyes and she didn't realize that the potato wasn't the only item on the chopping block. "Ahhhh shit! She yelled as the tip of the knife caught the tip of her finger.
It had to have been kind of deep too because blood spontaneously emerged. She swung her hand into the kitchen sink and turned the cold water on.
"I'm fucking fine Marco! Don't start worrying about me now, you ain't been worrying."
"There you go, a nigga can't even talk to yo ass without all that bullshit!"
"What is there to talk about Marco!... Huh! Tell me, what the fuck could we possibly have to talk about?! Let's see, I'm the stupid bitch that thought you loved me and you the muthafucka that left me hanging! Conversation over!"
Even though it wasn't like that, I guess to her that's how it looked. "Is that what the fuck you wanna hear?! If that's how the fuck you think I feel about you then, that's what the fuck you want me to say right! Fuck it, let's get this shit in the air then. I told you from the fucking beginning that I ain't wanna be shit but friends with you. Before we got down or any of that shit, I told you I ain't wanna be nothing more than yo friend! You pushed the fucking issue, you the one kicked the sexual shit off! You did this shit to yourself not me!"
Dejection arose from the abyss of her stomach through her essence and out of her eyes. A vortex of tears poured down with more force than that of the faucet itself. She then grabbed a glass from the sink and launched it with great fury towards the crown of my head. I dodged the volatile attack as the glass shattered on the wall behind me.
"Fuck you!" She intensely screeched. "Fuck You! I fucking hate you; get the fuck out of my house!"
My attention was drawn to the floor as De'Naja was making her way to the kitchen, not wanting her to get into the glass I intercepted. Tatiana stood there staring at me, tears still drumming down her cheek. In her eyes lived the horror of hurt as her trembling hand dripped blood.
"You know what, you so fucking right; I did this to myself!" She then noticed her leaking finger and headed into the bathroom. "I did this shit to myself!
Alright, so maybe I was a little insensitive towards the situation, maybe I could have found a better choice of words to use. It was the truth though and sometimes hell, the truth cuts deeper than any double edged blade. She remained in the bathroom for about fifteen minutes, I could hear her sobbing from within. I put De'Naja in her play pen, turned on one of her movies and swept the glass up. I was removing the last dust pan full when she made her return to the kitchen.
"You ain't gotta do that, I can take care of it myself."
Her entire face was swollen as she turned her frying chicken over in its grease. She then sat back at the table holding her bandaged finger in the air while continuing to chop her potatoes.
"Listen Tat, I ain't mean to say it like that, I'm just saying this shit wasn't never supposed to be for us."
"I already said you right Marco and you is. I brought this shit on myself now I gotta live with it. You kept telling me that we should only be friends and I tried to make you love me. You don't so now I gotta just deal with the shit."
"Don't say it like that though; it ain't like a nigga don't love you. With all the shit you went through, I can just imagine how you feel"
"Hmmmph!" She mumbled to herself as her hands began to tremble more. "This muthafucka just said he know how the fuck I feel." v Her hands were rattling negligently; she could no longer control the knife. I put my hand out to grab it however she snatched away from me and scowled. "Don't touch me! I can take care of myself!"
I simply bagged away and threw my hands up, she'd already tried to give me a glass hat so I wasn't going to chance her and that Ginsu knife.
"Alright well, I see this ain't going no where so I'm out."
Still attempting to cut the last of that potato with a vibrating blade, she mumbled to herself. "Ha, this muthafucka just stood here and told me he know how the fuck I feel."
I motioned towards the door when her eyes met mine. "You know how I feel huh Marco, alright so tell me how I felt sitting in jail for all them pounds of yo weed. Pregnant with yo baby cause I refused to tell on you! Or better yet, how did I feel when I told my momma fuck her and she ain't gotta come bail me out cause you was gone come! Huh, how did I feel Marco!"
Once again she begun to cry. "How in the fuck did I feel... sitting there every night... crying myself to sleep... because another day was gone and you hadn't came yet!"
Tatiana then began to illustrate her words by pointing the knife. "Thank God the fucking States Attorney felt bad for me and only gave me five years probation or I would still be locked up some fucking where."
She stood up from the table continuing to use the butcher knife as a pointer. I listened to her vent but you best believe I only focused on the knife. "You know what? I got one for you since you know how I felt... Tell me how I felt when they finally let me out and once again I told my momma to stay out of my business because Marco was in jail and he needed me."
There were no words created for me to say at that point, nothing I could have utilized to sedate her rage.
"What's wrong Marco, I'm listening! How the fuck did I feel... when I made it to yo house... and that bitch Nina answered the door..." She then stabbed the wooden kitchen table leaving the knife standing straight up in it. "And her fucking belly was just as big as mine!"
She started to walk towards me balling her eye's out, she no longer had the knife so I stood there.
"I went back to my momma house... and... she told me to get the fuck off her porch!"
She stood right in front of me with her fist balled up. "I had to live..."
"Flack!" She punched me in the arm.
"In a fucking... shelter... for five months..."
"I even had... my fucking daughter in that place..."
She had completely broke down, unable to control the tears, too weary to maintain her strength, too damaged to harbor her exasperation. Tatiana had fallen into my arms, faintly punching me in the chest and crying tears of pain. I felt obligated to hold her for as long as she needed to be held, I took in the responsibility of consoling her aching heart.
As men, we must sometimes humble ourselves and admit when we are wrong. I don't think that I was necessarily wrong for wanting to be with Nina instead of Tatiana but maybe I could have handled it differently.
"Lately I've gotta watch what I say... cause you take things personal now a daaaayyyyysss. You used to laugh... now you get mad... daaammmnnn I just want my friend baaaaccckkk...." Musiq Soulchild..