by Soyini Denise Liburd

 Why do I feel I have something to say
 ... but no one will listen?
 I hate that this conviction rules my reality.
 I say no one will hear me
 Thus I tear unborn thoughts from my belly
 Exposing the bitter rawness of unformed feeling -
 stinging tears through me
 Terrible pain! 
 I did not ask for their conception!
 I close my eyes and wait to die.
 When I look around, all is still. 
 There is no movement - I have rejected fruit - and I
 am alone.
 Too much coward to birth thoughts into words.
 Too little strength to raise words into vibrant
 Only the pervasion of my terrible silence.
 Who am I to act on the words I might utter anyway?
 There is only me
 And no one out there cares about my reality.
 So I sit here refusing to think 
 In fear that my thoughts will be wasted
 In fear that my words won't be heard
 In fear that my actions will be in vain
 I refuse to move.
 Estranged from the part of my spirit that conceives
 feeling in me 
 Abortion after abortion
 The pleasures of Love coupled with the Oppression of
 I am unloved when I am free.
 Is it God who whispers? Do I wait for lightening and
 thunderous shouts from heaven?
 "Those that compel you must act on! Go out! Give
 Don't sit there afraid!"
 There is no voice ... I have no words for the
 of my spirit towards the unknown
 And my body rejects the flight...
 My mind hides from the calling.
 There will be no rest until my purpose is
 And I have only to listen to make this purpose known
 to me.
 But I am afraid of the movement of the world and the
 temptation of destiny on the innocent
 I stand outside it - eternally lifting one foot,
 The other refuses to follow
 I shut my ears and scream
 Shut my eyes and faint.
 Sore afraid
 That if I listened
 If for a second one foot left the other
 I would find that my soul says to me...
 That my spirit has retired
 ... and there is nothing left to say.

Silence by Soyini Denise Liburd

© Copyright 1999. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

Return to the Table of Contents l Return to Main Page