I thought I would love you like I loved all my new
poems,
Fresh, spirited in your youth…
Your innocence touching me, like your unborn body
stirring inside me.
I thought I would love you, again and again
And maybe once too often
Cause suddenly, I didn’t want to love you anymore.

You were the one that came from the different
inspiration – not the holy light
But the ugly shadow that said to me,
“In your darkest hour, you will sing this … and right
now
Write now, the pain that I will show you.”
I didn’t have a choice in your birth.
Cause it was pain that inspired me.
I shook the hurt from my heart, unto a page,
And there, I looked down, and saw you were born.

I looked down to see something
That I didn’t quite expect,
Want,
Love…
Yet,
Something I new would always be with me,
Existing,
A little more distant from me than my shame.

Then I wondered if I should name you,
And I figured, might as well.
It would be easier on my conscience if I could file
you neatly away somewhere
In the drawer stamped “U” - for unwanted.

So I took the loose page from my whoring life
And found the dustiest book,
The one furthest to the back
And opened it and shut it
Leaving you inside.
So I could forget about you
While doing you right,
Cause after all I didn’t throw you away,
You were mine and I kept you
Hoping some publisher someday
Would find somebody who wanted to buy you.
Going cheap,
Going once. No refund.

You didn’t look like you knew that you owed me,
Didn’t see how I squirmed to see you near my babies,
My children inspired by light.
Still, you’re not in the trash,
I kept you, put you neatly away.
Made sure there wasn’t a crease on you.
And everybody said “My, my… what a nice page.”
And still I wouldn’t love you.

Your daddy came round once.
But I don’t want him near me
So he ain’t gonna be near you either
Cause I don’t be wanting no more of his babies.
You’re the last one and I kept you.
Isn’t that enough?