by Soyini Denise Liburd

Yesterday, I cried. 
Yesterday I cried. 
Today I am numb 
Numb, like it mattered 
but you didnít matter 
Did you? 
I am confused, sitting here listening to the screaming in my head 
Distracted, so that I only respond the second or third time I am asked 
ďWhy so quiet?Ē 

My head aches from all the screaming and silence. 
Trying to keep my lips shaped in a smile that expresses 
Quiet composure, contentment, contemplationÖ 
Silent explanation 
made them go away satisfied. 
Perhaps I need to adjust it, the smile 
Itís rumpled, but I am tired. 
They approach, as usual, but no one asks, 
Their lips move, but they donít ask anymore 
Uneasy fear leads them away from my screams 
Questions of silence forgotten. 

Numbness lives here. 
Madness is knocking 
But why? 
You didnít matter, you donít. 
Do you? 

My numbness is special, 
like my emptiness, but painless, 
follows my tears from a respectable distance 
Tears fill my emptiness, eases itÖ but disrupts my numbness 
Somewhere in between, I cry 
Numbness is my favorite, 
Still, its visit surprised me 

I didnít think you were important enough to bring me this comfort 
But then I didnít think you mattered enough to bring me this pain 

Numbness by Soyini Denise Liburd

© Copyright 2001. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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