by Soyini Denise Liburd

Fogs await outside,
my failing eyes.
I am afraid.
Of the fog, of its clarification 
replete with scorching scorning.
Of life today, 
Of death tomorrow morning.

I Mourn Memories of bickering
In my presence, my children.
Who gets to take me home?
Slow their step, to protect my dusty bones.
Yet, I am Afraid Of Forgetting
Which child calls me stupid
when my thoughts aren't lucid
Which smiles then walks away from here
Visits once a year.
Daughters who don't really care.

I live with the pain, of going to each one
To the son trying to steal my retirement fund.
I am afraid to write, in his presence.
Sign away my life as he signed away his love.
My fears are powerless, my wishes inconsequential.
Already he lives in my home,
and I am cast from one unwilling to another.

I am - I was a mother
Now I am old.
Trapped in a murky gray sphere of frosty glass.
My cries do not penetrate, 
and every utterance bounces around chaotically
taunting my sanity - mocking me forever
... or for as long as I will remember.
Communication withers inside this bubble
Its death mingles with the trapped soul that was my life.
A strange blend.
My outward death, understands the animated communication of my children
Yet the fog is constant.
And my vision is failing.
And I forget sometimes with whom my life is most unbearable.
I am a refugee cast out of home, forced in among family
Who refuse me even the dignity 
of hiding that they'd rather not have me

I remember love and life... vitality
If I was young, 
Would I return to my life of loving them?
Or would I run, knowing what they would become?
And how would you think of me then?
But now, how do you think of them?
Is it okay, because the life they live is yours as well?

I was a mother of nations,
Teacher of villages,
Protector of the world.
Now I am old,
and afraid of death and tomorrow.


And I am away from you,
Ashamed of the bridge between us
my parents, your children.
What is my role then?
An education miles away, 
or caring for you - the right way?
I know you are afraid.
I hurt with you, when they carelessly show me
The lesses of their love.
Even now I close my eyes
and will my love to take flight and comfort you.
Until my body can be there too.
But I am terrified that my love lies lost,
in the fogs that surround you.

Dont die in the worlds between today and tomorrow
Don't live alone, in fear... in sorrow
Please, know that you will never be alone
- Not while I love you.

Grandmother. by Soyini Denise Liburd

© Copyright 2001. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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