u wont remember dying

sed the post-mortem counselor



he sed u will get flashes tho deja vu type shit phantom pain

where the nitestick broke my ribs, a punch 2 the gut, etc

more like pieces of a faded dream he sed

scenes from a movie u saw when u were little but cant remember what its called 
so u cant check 2 c if its real or not but whatever

man they aint got no good movies here only a foldup vr mask 
2 make u think ur lying on a beach not on a damn hospital bed

somebody left behind this ripped book by sum oldass white dude 
named walt whitman looking like a smoked out santa

damn i hope i dont die of boredom b4 the transfer in 3 days

i cant believe im here

its almost midnite i should b sleep rite now but i cant

if i couldnt sleep the counselor told me 2 "text myself"

meaning u

the man says im in shock and he thinks im depressed haha

i told him i aint depressed im fuckin dying; but he sed texting u mite help me b positive

ne thing 2 take my mind off getting shot

Mar 21, 9:42 AM

im all alone again

the fam just left 2 grab breakfast

i cant lie its weird af texting u cuz im texting my future self

on sum real time travel shit

they say ur long-term memories should kick in by wk 2

but u wont remember dying

i was just tryna get to the movies

minding my own

the shot!

doc sed u mite hear auditory hallucinations, echoes of the shot or that pig screaming in ur ear or sirens

like u kno when u feel ur cell vibrating in ur pocket but nobody called?

but u wont feel the actual bullet go thru ur head



lucky u

but the doc who did the ct scan told me the damage coulda been 100x worse 
if the bullet exploded or bounced around in my skull fuckin my brain tissue all the way up

if my glasgow coma scale was under 7 i couldnt do the direct transfer but i was conscious enough

he sed my number was 10

if i was in a coma they woulda had 2 animate u using my last backup from over a yr ago

moms damn near crashed when she found out i aint backed up in a yr

she sed all 3 of us -- me nick and lionel -- shoulda been backing up once a month 
and me being 15 and the oldest need to "do better"

my man spiders pops signed him up during 1st NR enrollment

he went 2 the clinic on san pablo every tues after school 2 do his memory upload

u wont meet spider tho
he killed himself last july
RIP

yo i think the sedatives kicking in bruh

starting 2 c double

that bullet really glitxhed me up good flew up thru my rite brain then straight out

a "thru-and-thru" doc called it

my bodys killing me i can text wit my rite hand but i cant talk

Mar 21, 7:26 PM

guess whos back

the fam just left 4 dinner cuz they cant take this hospital 4mula shit

doc called this "a blend of superfoods liquified 4 max absorption" 
haha i sed max absorption my ass this slop look regurgitated like a mf

doc gave me sumthin called a memory inhibitor 2 block everything 
since i got here yesterday so u wont remember none of this

cuz it would b 2 fuckin traumatic


lucky u

ne way im bored aint nuthin else 2 do no movies and my eyes hurt 2 much and vr makes my head hurt so

who the fuck walt whitman think he is? i sing the body electric? wtf like a robot sing-a-long

all he writes is flowers and trees and happy springtime shit

heres a pic:


gtfoh!

on the back theres a big quote that says "[Whitman] is America" and im like what america

yo i did watch that New Reconstruction documentary earlier

u believe its been 3 yrs?

98% success rate so thats good but its only been 12 transfers so far

u make 13

but dont worry bruh its anonymous now

it was causing a media circus @ 1st wit all the hour specials and daytime talk interviews 
and late show bs wit the hosts asking stupidass questions:

"do u still hav a birthmark?"

wtf is up wit this country?

1 network tried 2 set up a reality show but the feds shut that down quick 
saying it would send the "wrong message"

they didnt say nuthin else but we all knew "wrong message" was code 4 "anti-police message"

spiders pops sed "its good these black kids get 2 come back 2 life 
but @ the same time they shouldnt b getting killed by no fascist cops in the 1st place 
and best believe they just gonna end up shot again if the real problem aint dealt wit

i cant argue wit that

i cant argue @ all

i cant even talk

i cant feel my left leg and i gotta wear a fuckin bib cuz i keep drooling

yo the boys will freak out when they c u tho

actually i take that back lionel mite take a minute 2 adapt but nick wont


since moms told him about NR little homie been on his research grind

moms sed all day he been on them $1m words talking bout "re-con-sti-tute" and "con-scious-ness"

matter fact just this morning nick let me hear his science report

i recorded him since i kno u wont remember this

here check out this vid:


["Dolly was a female sheep, the first animal to be cloned from an adult cell. 
Back in the 1990s, scientists in Scotland used a cell 
from another sheep's mam-ma-ry gland to create Dolly. 
In female mammals, mam-ma-ry glands are where the milk comes from. 
And where the word mammal comes from, too. For this project, I will be—"]

he told me he got a B+ cuz his 5th grade teach sed he left out 
how dolly was put down b4 she turned 7 from lung disease

nick had me dying; he was like "i dont c y thats a big deal cuz if she could b cloned once, 
she could b cloned again so it didnt matter if she died"

i asked him if my life mattered

he sed "ur life matters but death dont matter cuz u can keep coming back as many times as u want"

i wanted 2 tell him it didnt work that way that aint what i meant but i was drifting 
in and out cuz this was rite after they gave me the memory inhibitor 
so i just told him dont ever take life 4 granted

he sed "no doubt" then took his B+ like a man and sed he would "do better next time"

i sed me 2

Mar 21, 11:58 PM

WTF!!!



i cant sleep

its on me i never shoulda read this damn whitman again

check this 1 out:




idk wtf he on but it got me thinking bout my man spider

i wonder what he was thinking b4 he shot himself

i remember he used 2 say he didnt want the pigs having power over him

he sed shit like that all the time:

"the whole recon programs a setup giving those appointed 2 'serve and protect' free rein 2 fire @ will"

"the american dream is santa claus 4 grownups"

"2 b born black in america is a death sentence"

the bullet went in but never came out

@ the funeral his pops sed he was battling severe depression

yo i knew spider all my life and i kno fa sho he ain't hav no depression

wtf is depression ne way? u either alive or dead

aint no inbetween

now spiders gone but im still here

holding on by a thread

Y U???

y u get to live when everybody else keep dying?

y u so lucky?

moms sed its gods will but idk that dont make sense 2 me but im scared 4 u bruh

straight up all that pressure u gonna feel

2 make ur life matter

2 show u deserve a 2nd chance

2 prove u alive for a reason

everybody gonna c rite thru u call u a fake a phony

a scarecrow

a black body without a brain

theyll b like "that nigga aint real"

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK MY LIFE!

i should just pull the plug rite now

save u the trouble

i dont deserve to come back to life

but i dont wanna b inbetween

Mar 22, 5:02 AM

yo disregard those texts from last nite i was on sum other shit

ne way 2days transfer day

in 3 hrs u will b here



in the flesh

and ill b history

guess im supposed 2 say sumthin uplifting but im losing my mind

and my bodys killing me

everythings dark

cloudy

i feel like im drooling my life away

hell tbh i dont kno how 2 b positive

lets c if mr fuckin america got ne jewels 2 drop



haha

yo that 1 kinda works tho

but still u and i kno it aint the whole truth

and if u dont remember nuthin else remember this:

whitman aint america

whitman aint real

i am/u r