Chapter 1 A trip down memory lane

Secrets, we all have them. Decisions we've made, things that we have done in the past that we are ashamed of. We take those secrets and bury them in the dark corners of our mind, pretending they don't exist. We go on living our peaceful lives as if every thing is normal, but karma has a funny way of making us deal with those problems. Just like weeds that are left unchecked can consume a garden, so can guilt from the past consume ones mind. I am no different, for me this is one of those occasions, my high school graduation.

I was sitting in my study one Saturday morning, about to pay my bills. I had just finished a two mile run at the park. On my way home, I had picked me up a tall mocha coffee from the near by Starbucks. I had the windows cracked enjoying the fresh air. It was a beautiful spring day outside. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, little kids riding there bicycles up and down the street, just a normal peaceful day. The kind of day when you sit back and think life is good, or so I thought. That was about to change quickly.

I had finished writing the checks, and was ready to mail the bills off. I went to the mail box, put in my bills, and took out my incoming mail. That's when I saw it, a letter from my old high school. I opened it up to see I was invited to the class reunion of Justin F. Kimball High School. I had forgotten about it. I literally erased the entire memory of the year I graduated out my head like it never existed.

It has been a decade since I graduated, and the scares of the past still remain. For most, this would be a happy occasion, to reflect on ones life, to put things in proper perspective, to reminisce. A time for a person to meet old friends, and see how there lives have turned out. For me thought, it brings back painful memories. I'm force to subject myself to the heartache and anguish I suffered all over again.

I've debated in my mind a thousand times weather or not I should attend. It had taken a long time for me to get over what happen. As I get dress now, I still wonder if I made the right decision. I'd conveniently gotten amnesia about everything I had done, seen, and been apart of, but now it's all coming back to me. My fuzzy memory is now crystal clear. It was my senior year of 1991 were my life changed forever .......

I woke up suddenly staring at the ceiling. My alarm clock was going off. It was set on music instead of that irritating buzzer, and I could hear Color Me Badd singing “I wanna sex you up.” I hit the snooze button as I lay there collecting my thoughts. I realize another Monday morning is upon me, and it's time to go to school. I took a shower, combed my high top fade, and wet my lips to make my thin mustache lay down. I opened up my closet searching for something to wear when I heard the phone ring. It was my girl wondering how long it will be before I come and scoop her up. I told her I was on my way and hung the phone.

I begin to iron some Guess jeans and a black Cross Colors t-shirt. I put on my gear and slide my feet into some brand new Ellese. Splashed on some Paco Ribbone to make sure I smell good. I grabbed my Swatch Watch and the keys off the dresser and headed for the door.

I saw Tony in the living room searching for his shoes. I'd been staying with him now for about three or four months. He and his girlfriend Kim had let me rent their spare apartment bedroom for a couple of hundred dollars a month. They gave me, a young eighteen year old kid, a chance to move out the house and get a little independence. It was a small place and the walls were paper thin. They would routinely fight all night or fuck all night. Either way, I was always sleep deprived.

Tony was on his way to work. He and I both worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken, that's how we met. We filled out job application at the same time, went to orientation at the same time, so we kicked it off easily. He was full time in the mornings, and I was part time in the evenings. Tony was an unassuming guy. He was average height and build. He had a kind of face that could get lost in a crowd. He was the quite type, talked with a very soft voice. He was a meek individual, except when it came to his girl Kim. He would unleash his frustrations on her, both sexually and verbally. Today we were both running late. I locked my bedroom door behind me. I grabbed my Georgetown Starter coat out the closet, and left out the front door.

We lived close to the freeway, so you could here cars going by and the beeping of horns early in the morning. I see the early morning smog and the scurrying of people about reminding me that I’m in the heart of the city. I smelled a combination of car exhaust and alcohol in the air. I walked through the breeze way and out to the parking lot to get in my car. Even though it was seven in the morning, it was still dark outside. It was January, the dead of winter, and the sky was covered with grayish clouds. I haven’t seen the sun now in about a month. With some of the street lights burnt out, it made it kind of difficult to make out faces. I heard, “Hey young blood, you got any change?”

I looked and saw a homeless man sitting on the curb with his dirty hand extended. Obviously, he must have been talking to me. Not an unusual site to see in these apartments. Vernon Hills is kind of run down, and most tenants are struggling to make it. It's not that great of a place, but some of the neighbors are cool. I dropped the spare change I had in his hand and kept on moving.

I hit the alarm on my ride. I had an eighty four Cutlas Supreme. I always took great pride in my car. I had saved up the money for the down payment, and paid it off over two years on my own. It was champagne color with a brown interior. The car inside and out was in excellent condition. It had all the original equipment in working order, except the radio, which I recently upgraded. I personally installed a JVC tape deck with and some ten inch Rockford Fosgate woofers. The system was jamming, but I had to turn down the sound when I was in Vernon Hills. If I didn't I'd risk the chance of someone breaking in to my car and stealing it , or worse yet , I might get jacked.

As I hit the corner of Kiest blvd., well out of range of Vernon Hills, I popped in this brand new N. W. A. tape my homie turned me on to and cracked up the sounds. I saw some of my classmates standing on the corner, shivering, waiting for the bus as usual. I thru up the peace and rolled on.

I made it to my girl's place in no time. I sat in my car and blew the horn waiting for her to come out. They lived in a nice area on the west side of town. Their house was the class of the neighborhood. It sat on a corner lot with lots of space. The yard was well groomed, and hedges were perfectly trimmed. Sometimes in the morning I would see her father out front watering the grass, even in the freezing cold. The house itself was a spacious, three bedrooms, with a game room that he put a pool table in to entertain his guess.

She's always rushing me to get over here, and when I get here, she's never ready. Finally after about five minutes passes by she steps out the door with her brother Leland following close behind.

Now my girl Nicole Anderson a.k.a. Nikki was without a doubt the finest looking girl at school, and that's not just because I date her. She had flawless beauty from head to toe. She had the softest golden brown skin. She had long lushes’ eyelashes, which complemented the most beautiful light brown eyes. She is tall for a woman; with heels on she could almost look me straight in the eyes. She had black shoulder length hair with extensions, that she let flow down her back. She had an hour glass figure, and nice long silky smooth legs. She maybe weighed about a hundred and ten pounds. She had a small chest, but her backside was soft, round, and enormous. You would never catch her slipping either. She would always have her hair and nails done. Her eyebrows were always arched, and her makeup was perfect. Sometimes I would catch myself staring at her, marveling at how beautiful she was.

She had to be the center of attention too. She craved it, she nurtured, and she longed for it. She loved being apple of every man’s eye, and the envy of every woman's heart. She liked taunting the boys, that's why the guys at school all secretly nicknamed her “The Tease”. If she walked down the hall, every boy with his girlfriend or not, was guaranteed to look. That's why she would have so few friends. The other girls hated her, they despised her, they would refer to her as “that bitch“. She mainly kept to herself, or she hung out with her best friend Kiesha.

Nikki was a junior while I was a senior. She was very much the young lady though, feminine in every since of the word. To only be seventeen she carried herself very maturely, which was one of the things I really adored about her. It was something about her that I found mysterious, and intriguing. I can't explain it. It was as if her walk, her smile, her mannerisms were hypnotizing.

Now on the other hand, her brother Leland was the exact opposite. He was short, stubby, and a little goofy looking. He was immature, big time; it was almost like they had different parents. Anyway, they got in and I sped off tying to make up for lost time.

We pulled in to the school parking lot and rushed to get inside. Kimball High school was a typical all black inner city school. It sat on Westmoreland blvd, a major street that ran clear through the city. The parking lot was on side of the building. They had an old man name Mr. Taylor that would monitor the student parking. He had a small security booth at the entrance. You were supposed to have to show him your student ID to enter and leave the gates. Most of the time you could catch him napping inside that guard tower. For a nice little bribe, like lunch maybe, you could leave whenever you want. The school was an older, run down, but functioning building. The first thing to greet us as we walked thru the doors was security ushering us thru metal detectors and then proceeding to check our bags. Soon as we got pass the security the tardy bells rang. Usually that's no big deal, but today they were doing tardy sweeps. That's when the bells ring and the teachers locked all their doors and everyone that is in the hall is forced into the auditorium and gets licks, then they give you a pass to go back to class. This was back in the day when teachers were still allowed to put some hands on you. I normally kept some extra tardy passes in my locker. I would get them from my homie Lil Reggie who works in the attendance office, but hall monitors caught us before we could get up stairs to my locker.

As we made our way into the auditorium, I saw my boy Punchie. His real name was Steven Woods, but nobody called him that except his mom when he was in trouble. Punchie was about the same height as me 6'1, but he was bigger more muscular. He was dark skinned and he wore a high top fade with a Duke on it to make his hair look wavy. His favorite rapper was Dr. Dre, so he tried to immolate his style right down to the gangsta limp. That's why he's wearing a gray khakis suit with a black sweat shirt on underneath it. He also was wearing a white leather baseball cap with a picture of a marijuana plant on the front. I'm no punk, but I can honestly say that my boy was a handsome man. The girls went crazy over him. He basically had his pick of the liter. Back then, dark skinned brothers were in, and light skin fellas like me were left fighting over the scraps.

Punchie had an outgoing personality, and was extremely bright and energetic. You wouldn't think it to look at him, but this boy had scored a fourteen hundred on his SAT test. He had a great sense of humor. Always telling jokes in class, even the teachers laughed at him. He was real popular; you know type that is on a first name basis with everyone in school. Even though he was smart and friendly, he still had the type of presence that demanded respect. Punchie was without a doubt my best friend, my ace. We had been boys since elementary. We go back like stocking caps and waves.

He saw me come in and yelled out, “Hey Will over her.”

I walked over and gave him some dap. I was surprise to see him at school at all, being that he skipped so often.

“Say Will did you know that this Friday Cat's parents are going out of town and he is throwing a party? Yah gonna be in tha house?”

“Ah, I don't know. But shit I'll be working anyway, so it doesn’t matter.” I replied.

He shook his head as he was the next in line to get his licks. “Get with me during lunch I need to holla at yah.” He said as the paddle hit his ass with great force. He took the licks like a man, but I know it hurt. Mr. Roosevelt swung that paddle like he was Barry Bonds.

I nodded, took my licks, told Nikki I'll see her later, and took off to my first period class.

Lunch time rolled around and the usual suspects were hanging in the courtyard. You see during our lunch period no one would go in the cafeteria and eat that horrible lunch except nerds. Most of us leave campus and eat somewhere else, or we just go outside in the courtyard between buildings and chill. There is a spot in the courtyard that's just out of view from the teachers. Most of them aren't paying attention to us anyway. .

It was cold, not ideal time to be outside, but my friends were out there so what the hell. I walk around the corner of the building to see Cat and Lil Reggie were shooting dice. Cat is looking irritated, so that means that Reggie must be winning. Cat pulled out of his coat pocket a rolled up blunt.

“I see yah shivering nigga, this well keep yah warm. “

He was right, nothing like a good shot of weed to make you forget about everything else. I step up and extend my hand for him to pass the blunt to me. I walk over to a corner so I could light up the blunt. The wind kept blowing out the flames of the lighter, so I stuck my face closer to the building. I pop my head around the corner one more time to make sure no one is coming. I put the blunt in my mouth and took a long drag. That smoke went into my lungs and spread its wings like an eagle. I start coughing, trying my best to keep in as much smoke as possible. That's the only way to get a good buzz. This was some good weed I thought as I pounded on my chest trying to regain my breath. All of sudden, someone sneaks up behind me, and grabs me were I can't move, and lifts me up. It was Punchie playing around as usual.

“Come over here let me get a word with yah.” Punchie said with a grin on his face. “I got a hook up for us to come up.”

“What are yah talking about now?” I said fixing my shirt after he grabbed me.

“Damon needs some lookouts for his new spot in Prince Hall. I told him I'm down, and then he asks me about you.”

“Man I don't know, shit nigga we already got jobs or did yah forget?” I said trying to be evasive.

“That's chump change, what we making four dollars an hour. Man, you thank that's real fucking money? Yah think you're gonna keep that fly ass Nikki, and pay bills at that ragged ass apartment you stay in with that shit. The pay at KFC is peanuts compared to ends we could make with him.” He said in a very intense tone. He was trying to use every tactic he could to convince me.

I stood there taking another hit of the blunt before I pass it back to Cat pondering his offer. He was right. Nikki was as high maintenance as they come. She's constantly got her hand in my pocket, whether it's a new hair do, a new outfit, or someplace she wanted me to take her. Just keeping her hair and nails done, sets me back a c-note every month.

Nikki had my nose wide open even though all she'll let me do is kiss her, which was starting to be very sexually frustrating. She was playing keep away with the pussy, like we were playing card and she was holding on to the last spade I needed to call Gin. We haven't even been alone for me to have an opportunity to hit that. At this point it didn't matter though, because the more she resisted, the more I wanted her. Just the thought of caressing that soft Carmel ass of hers, made my dick standup. To tell the truth, she could have every last dime I had. The only thing I want in return from her is that she loves me like I love her. She was like a morning cup of coffee, the lighter to my cigarette, cocaine to an addict. She was what I needed to function. Just to be around her makes me feel special for some reason. That's something I could never get a ladies man like Punchie to understand.

I look around at these fools still gambling and completely dismissed the idea in my head, but I wasn't ready to let Punchie know that. I just stood there and looked at him while he took a hit. I thought to myself if this boy only showed as much enthusiasm for school as he did the streets, he'd be graduating as the valedictorian.

Later on after school was out, I went home got ready to go to work. Soon as I stepped in I could her Tony and Kim going at it. The yelling I could here before I even stuck the key in the door. I tried to spend as little time as possible in this small apartment. So I grabbed my work clothes and decided I'll change at work.

Kentucky Fried Chicken was located in the city of Duncanville. Duncanville was an up and coming suburb on the outskirts of Dallas. It had grown fast in the past couple of years. There were new homes popping up all over the place. Property values were going through the roof, and it had become the new hot place to live. The store was in the middle of the block, sandwiched in between an Arby's and a Taco Bell. It was a fairly new building, less then two years old. I had worked there from the very day it open. They liked the way I worked so hard that they asked me to refer my friends, and that's how Punchie and my other friend David got on.

I pride myself on being punctual, so I arrived ten minutes early and looked at the schedule to see who I'll be working with. Great, Skipp was the manager tonight which meant every thing would go smoothly. I liked Skipp. He was super cool for an old man. Skipp was in his early thirties, short, bowlegged, and had a muscle build. He was a New Yorker with a strong accent and that brash we're better than everyone else attitude. He walks around with his chest poked out always brags about being a golden glove boxing champ. He swears up and down that he can beat Mike Tyson in a fight. I like Skipp, but my money is on Mike.

I also saw that Sheryl was on the schedule. She was a major hottie. The first time I saw her was at a football game when she was the homecoming queen. I thought she looked amazing then, but know she's matured and looks even better. She was a yellow bone who had a cute face with dimples, and thin lips that gave her a sexy smile. Her hair was brown and cut short in a trendy style. We were required to wear hats. So she would put on her visor very carefully, as to not mess up her hair. She was short and tiny, but for a woman so small, she was very curvy. She had a perfectly round butt, nice hips and breast that where large and firm for a small women. We use to wear those old polyester cotton blend style shirts as part of our uniform. You know the kind that would cling to your skin like silk. An every time she walked by in that shirt, those breasts of hers would have my undivided attention. It was almost as if they were taunting me. I could her them talking to me saying, “High there stranger.” I have to look down at my pants to make sure that little Will didn't pop up and make any unexpected appearances. After all I was only eighteen and I could get a hard on if the wind blew.

Sheryl was a couple of years older than me, but she had a girlish quality that made her seem younger than what she really was. She graduated from Duncanville high, my old school before I transferred to Kimball. I remember seeing her in the halls at school when I was an underclassman. Now, she's in her second year of college going to UTA and was working here part time. Sheryl had only been here a few months which was a shame, because it has been cold the entire time she's been here. So I haven't got a change to check out her feet yet. It's the first thing I look at with any girl. Maybe I have a foot fetish, I don't know. But I believe that the way a women takes care of her feet tells the truth about who she is.

I went into the back and grabbed an apron. I noticed that David was already back there talking to Skipp. David was real cool too. I had been friends with him about three years. David was basketball star on the honor roll and getting letters from college recruiters already. He was the boy next door, clean cut, respectful, and well mannered. He was tall and lanky, but very strong. Punchie and I were football players, and David could keep up with us lifting weights. David went to Duncanville High School where Punchie and I use to go, before we transferred to Kimball. I moved to Vernon Hills, that's why I had to change school districts. I guess Punchie changed schools mainly because he wanted to be down, you know from the hood. We were both tired of going to school in Duncanville which was mixed with white kids anyway. We rather be down with our people and go to school in the hood.

David came out kitchen gave me dap and said we're going to be short handed tonight. I thought nothing of it since he and I were the best cooks. So I washed up got some chicken from the cooler and started cooking. I made sure to grab the side facing the drive thru that way I could check out Sheryl's fine ass and cook at the same time. I began to stare at her, and then I looked over and saw David and Skipp by the warmers that separated the front area from the kitchen laughing their ass off. “What's so funny?” I said wanting in on the joke.

“Boy, we see you checking out Sheryl, why you don’t just go up there and get the digits?” David said with a big smile on his face. “I'm sure she is happy to give them to you.”

“Nigga please! You know I kick it with Nikki, and I aint trying to fuck that up right now.” I said angrily while I tossed more chicken into the fryers.

“Ah man don't trip, we're just fucking with you.” David said trying to fight back his laughter and keep a serious face.

“Whatever.” I said, as I played it off and they got back to work. Still in the back of my mind I wouldn't mind getting those digits, but I knew she was out of my league. I was extremely shy when it came to girls. I just started to build some confidence when I got with Nikki. I could barely string a sentence together without getting nervous. I never had smooth lines, or an outgoing personality like Punchie. I guess Sheryl to me was more intriguing than anything, so enticing but yet so far away. She'd been working here all this time and the only thing I talked with her about is chicken. Besides, I was in love with Nikki.

Time passes by fast when your cooking short handed and before you know, it was time to clean up and go home. Most of the time we have extra chicken, so I grab some threw it in the bucket and clock out. As David and I stepped outside we saw Punchie and Cat in the parking lot. Usually, they drove thru when Punchie wasn't working to kick it. Punchie's mom would let him drive her GT Mustang, even though he had no driver’s license. The boy was spoiled and usually reckless in that car, driving at high speeds, and having lord knows who in it.

Before I was able to step out the front door into the parking lot I felt a tap on the shoulder. I turned and was startled to see Sheryl looking at me.

“Hey Will, you think you might be able to give me a ride home? I let my brother use my car; he's at home, but he he's not picking up the phone. I don't live that far from here,” she said in a soft voice.

“Sure,” I said acting as if it were no big deal. She just didn't know that she could have asked my ass to take her anywhere and would have gotten the same response. “Let me speak to Punchie real quick.”

“Great! I'm gonna go get my purse.” She headed back in the store and I walked over to where my boys were at.

“I can't hang with yawl tonight. I'm going to give Sheryl a ride to her crib.” They all smiled looking around at each other while nudging each other in the ribs like they knew a joke I didn't. I paid those fouls no mind.

So I walked back over to my car and waited, Sheryl comes out lightly jogging towards me. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you wait. I forgot to clock out.”

“Forget about it, its nothing.” I said as I walked over to the passenger side to open the door for her, trying to be the perfect gentlemen. She got in and I closed the door behind her. As I searched for the keys to the ignition, she started to thumb through my music and pulled out Anita Bakers’ 'Compositions' tape.

“Can I listen to this?” She asked me.

I took it from her and popped it into the tape deck. I'm already digging her style of music. Everybody I know these days only likes hip hop, and so I'm relegated to listening to soul music like this when I'm by myself.

At first there was nothing but silence, I couldn't think of anything to say .Then she broke the ice by giving me directions to her house. It turns out she stayed around the corner from my mother. I had never noticed before. She turned toward me and said, “I really appreciate this, I know it's a little out of your way.”

I thought to myself how she knows this is out of my way. I mean, this is the first time we ever had any real conversation. So I sat back in my seat, smiled, and searched for the words and managed to say, “It's my pleasure. By the way, ah, I heard you went to UTA how are things going at school for you.”

She turned and looked at me showing some interest and said. “Fine, I just declared my major. I definitely want to get into Journalism. It has always been one of my dreams to be a sports anchor, you know like on ESPN.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I love sports, especially football. I went to all the games in high school. I even saw you play. You were a very good receiver. You should have never stopped playing in my opinion.” She said with a grin.

I was pleasantly surprised by her interest in football, and in particular my career as I replied. “I can't say why I quit; I guess I was more focused on making money and working. But I still like to watch the games.”

“Me too, The Cowboys are my team. I really like the recent moves they made drafting Aikman, and Emmit. Jimmy Johnson is going to have them in the playoffs this year.”

“Who's your favorite player?” I replied as I got more curious.

“Michael Irvin, I like his leadership, plus he is so fine.” She said almost giddy, “Mike just don't know, I'd put something on him.”

I never heard a girl talk like this before. I couldn't beg Nikki to watch a game with me. She could careless about sports in general, especially football. Nikki could find more interest giving herself a manicure or a makeover.

We pulled up in her drive way and she grabbed her purse and open the door. As she got up out of that seat, I got me a quick, up close, glance at that ass of hers again. I was impressed. She closed the door. She leaned back through the window tilted her head to the side, curled her lips into a smile and said. “Thanks again. It was real nice talking to you; maybe we can checkout a game sometime?”

I nodded my head. I was somewhat speechless after hearing that comment. I didn't know what to think. She was older, a college student, and a young lady. She couldn't have interest in me. Maybe it's just her way of being cordial.

“You gotta pen and a piece of paper?” She asked me.

“Yeah.” I started searching through my console until I found an old receipt, and a pencil. She jotted down her number and handed it back to me.

“Call me; I think the Cowboys are playing the Redskins next weekend. We can hang out and watch the game.” She waived, and turned toward the house. I waited in the driveway until she was safely in the house, and then I went home.

I got home went inside and the first thing I could here was, “Oh shit, oh shit.” It was Tony and Kim sweating up the sheets in the next room. I could hear the sound of heavy breathing, and the headboard hitting up against the wall. He must be in there doing some serious damage. It only reminded me of how lame my sex life had been lately.

I've been dating Nikki now for about seven months, and I have been sex deprived ever since. It not like I was getting laid all the time before. I mean, I still can count on one hand how many times I've gotten me some. But Nikki was playing hard to get big time, and it starting to get frustrating. She would let me tongue kiss her, and rub her butt when I hugged her. But nothing more than that .I enjoyed it, but know I wanted more. I wanted to get up close and personnel with that fine body of hers. We've been dating for several months now, and we've yet to be alone.

I had my own phone line and message machine, so that way I didn't have to worry about missing any calls. Nikki had left me a message so I called her back. She picked up the phone and asked me how I'm doing. I certainly wasn't going to mention Sheryl, so I gave her some vague response. Then she asked me. “Are we going to Cat's party?”

“I have to work, but maybe I'll be able to trade off days with somebody else.”

Then she asked me in a very sweet and innocent voice, almost like a child asking her daddy for a piece of candy. “Do you think you can get my hair done?”

“Yeah I suppose.” I replied reluctantly. “But what you gonna do for me?”

“What do you mean?” She said sharply.

“Well, when will we ever get the chance to spend some time alone?”

“I still don't follow you.” She said as if she was playing dumb.

“Well, we've been dating a while, and I'm feelin that we should take our relationship to the next level. Why don't we go to my place after the party is over? Tony and Kim will be out and will have the place to ourselves.” I said trying to convince her.

She was quiet for a minute. Then she finally murmured, “Okay. “