When I think about the state of black women in America, I think of a state of upwardly mobile success yet puzzlement. We are living in a time where there has never in history been so much opportunity for women. Both in business and leisure time, women have a chance to learn more, want more, achieve more, be more. We are taking every advantage of that opportunity. However when it comes to companionship and love, I feel we are almost back in slavery times, standing on a block having our bodies examined for the next highest bidder.

Although that sounds rather rough, just think about it. We as African American females dress to impress. We put out all of our sexual and sensual prowess in order to snag that man. Women are actually online showing ALL of what God gave them on a web cam in order to get the attentions of whom or whatever. Then we allow them to use terms as “Whose is it?” and “I am his woman” to solidify our place in a man’s life, his property not his compadre. The videos and music now are a myriad of words that refer to us as “BITCHES” and we listen and soulfully dance to the rhythms as if in agreement. We have even fallen to the depths of calling our own sisters that horrid name and say, “Its OK, that’s just the time and culture.” No wonder men have lost respect for the gender and use us like a BOUNTY towel “the Quicker Picker Upper”.

Now ladies, I know we are strong and invincible. We are W*O*M*A*N. but we can do better as far as being ready for that great relationship. Of course we always want to look our best, be our best and keep that smile glowing but deep down inside we need to give the men a chance. I wrote a poem once about nobody calls you ‘baby’ like a brotha. It still holds true today. But we have to make some changes in how we attract that brotha and what we will and will not do to get him interested and keep him interested with out loosing dignity, self and soul. There are some timely tips that women of color can use in order to have that lasting relationship most of us strive for. They will only work if we are consistent.

1. Your mother took time and effort to give you a name. Don’t respond to men unless they use it upfront. Save the Baby and Ma for when they become your friend

2. Don’t put your sister down and step all over her to get to a man, remember what ever you do it will come back to you.

3. Drop the Samsonite at the door. Give the man a chance. Yes he may have characteristics that remind you of a failed relationship but don’t judge that book by its cover.

4. Put your heart into everything you do. This goes back to number two. Whatever you do will eventually come back to you its the law of KARMA.

5. Go by your “GUT” instinct. Recognize RED FLAGS. If being with him feels uneasy, GET OUT OF THERE. The body and the spirit react when something isn’t right. Learn how to read your body and listen to your spirit.

6. ENJOY your adventure. Enjoy the dates and don’t take every meeting with a man as a prerequisite for the Bridal March. Make a man your friend first.

It's so important for us to understand the difference between wanting a man and needing one. Once we can understand that, we are on our way stepping down from that slavery block. We'll be moving on down the road to love and companionship we can smile all the time about.