Dragging this weight on my shoulders, 
I cover my face and block my tears 
because to you they are signs of weakness 
and traces of my inferiority.
It was two long years in this wilderness called love, 
I wrapped my heart in silk hands 
and humming birds and soft kisses and loving eyes.
I would die for you. 
I mean kill for you, 
and we all know you’ve never known love 
until you’ve contemplated taking another life 
and trying to rationalize it in the twisted roads of your mind. 
I thought you wanted to know me.
I mean really know me. 
Know how it is that I can plaster words to paper 
and paint soft sexy soliloquies.
How I’ve become so rough and rugged on the inside.
How my breathing gets heavy when I focus 
on putting pen to paper and not just mind blowing sex.
The biology of my life is dirty and blank 
and covered with hard crystal 
that’s beautiful like emeralds, diamonds, rubies. 
But we all know you have to go through hell to be pure gold 
and like gold I am a queen that was born of your hell. 
But the aftermath of you is like the eye of a hurricane, 
silent and shallow but dangerous. 
Yes I am a woman scorned 
and yes I feel stupid because I love you still.
Despite the fact you fucked her raw 
and lied to me in beds of satin covered sheets 
and yes I cry in the serenity of my corner 
where no one can touch me but me 
and I rationalize the glitches within my heart 
and permanent niches within my brain 
that are left there because of memories of you 
and just know I sucked your dick 
because I enjoyed it the same way 
I enjoyed warming to your erection 
and seeing pretty pink tongue flicks surround my nipples. 
But know with my diamond colored eyes, 
dimples, chocolate complexion, 
and white teeth I rationalize no more. 
I make no apologies for the woman I am 
or the grudges I held against you 
or myself because I have learned 
what you see is what you get 
and in a bed of roses there are many thorns. 
So now I pick my king carefully with watchful eyes, 
listening ears, tasting lips, swaying hips 
and a mental roll-a-dex that flips like the channels of your TV. 
I have realized because of you I am copasetic 
and for that I say thank you to my own personal hell.