it is not because I am blind
not really
because even darkness can't hide the smell
of bullshit lingering, wafting up 
to settle and taunt me for being
so damn dramatic
it is not because I didn't know better
but I was so happy being your garden
even though you never came to talk to my flowers
and nurture my soil
so the seed that we planted together would have a chance to grow
healthy and strong and live
prosperous
no it isn’t because you were irresistible cause damn it
your stroke wasn't that deep
not the way you think 
I wasn’t sprung off your fucking
I was in love
like magic
remember
the first time
eyes locked gazing
I should have noticed you looking past me 
when the planes we made always feel through
I promised myself I wouldn’t be a fool
but I was
just for you
just that once
but you cant even see why
its not because of your style or status
or the strut that you swore was the reason for your popularity
not because of your slanting eyes or Blue Phi... no
not that either
not your step or stump or chant
not your blue black beautiful skin
not your poetry
not your touch
it was you
I was in love with
just once
just that time
just you
because you were strong and black and beautiful
and had goals and dreams and pushed to accomplish those things 
that you were long since taught were impossible
it was you confidence and fearless nature that deceive me into believing 
that Libras the sign of justice would do the right thing
I should have paid more attention to your wanting to be a prosecutor.
but I was convinced that my being your everything 
meant you didn’t need anything else
and I was wrong
and now
while I fight to be able to be worthy
of someone else’s who is so deserving
I find myself getting distracted by memories of past heartbreaks
that wont fade away
and I don’t trust the same
not anymore not anymore
but I will
if for no other reason then to prove to you
that you messed up.