Over time one learns how to adapt..
How to be content or okay with being
How to take pain and create a smirk not a smile
because the hurt is still a major factor.
But throughout all of the struggle and the hardships the
consistency in the back and forths that dealt the hurt
that Ive felt for so many years intertwined with the hurt
in which I'm feeling right now.
But lately, I have to say that I havent felt anything.
I'm just cruising slowly but, cruising
by day to day in a way in which I've never experienced before.
I still think about the good times
but the bad times seems to find a way to interrupt
and the the bad times are all that I'm left with
assisting my conclusion of
the abusing, and misusing the......
the looks you used to give me
when I felt that maybe there is a such thing as love
but love would never leave or hurt me
And if love had to leave, love would always come back
to make sure that I knew that it was really love but
I'm still waiting.
You see I'm tired of people looking at me
making conclusions or assuming that
I'm Mr. Fucking Perfect
and that when they actually read something I've wrote
like the pain they think I Fucking loved it
But Choice...lol.... Choice is something that I know of too well
So many secrets my life owns
but By choice I refuse to tell
Unfortunately I had to sit there
and watch my love love another love
and unfortunately I had to fight for my life
with whom I thought was love
its unfortunate that I will always hurt
because I gave my all
and its unfortunate that everytime I slipped
no one stopped my fall
So dont look at me thinking 'that you understand the hurt I feel
and that you've been there before
and you can relate to how I feel
Dont try to dry my eyes from tears
when you just dont know
that its not tears but my hurt
So I cant postpone these tears
You dont know how it is to stare into a mirror
and the reflection is not who you are but who life have
revised thus far and this war have bruised the images
that you used to think about
and every thought is nothing
you used to think about
You will never understand how I feel
to stare into this mirror
In pain, stressed out, lonely, left out
decomposed and drained out
directionless and effortless tears keep falling...
So with every thought I pull myself together
I accept what it was, what it is
and if this is how its going to be then "Yo!, Le-Go"
when things now don't go my way
when I fall in and out, in and out but mostly
out of like and love
I've learned to love to like it because I cant allow feelings to determine
to defer or alter my agenda.
I cant afford to take off work because Im feeling some type of way uh,uh
Thats not who I am...
So I want to take this time to thank a few people:
Struggle: For being so consistent and teaching me so much
Pain: for making me grow and stronger. forcing me to survive
Love: for the lies, the fake kisses, the fairy-tale nights that never mattered
Life: for introducing and reintroducing me to repetition. to people that are uninspired and "lifeless"
All of this have taught me
more than I would ever know
unlike many people
I opened every door
And now I feel nothing
I've learned how to "DETACH" myself.. and I dont hurt anymore...