Sometimes it seems like only yesterday when you stood in
the bathroom of our small one bedroom peaking over my
shoulder, at the little white stick with the two small
windows.
“Are there two lines or one?”
 I could hear the anxiety breaking your booming baritone
down to a cat like whisper.
“Two.”  I say.
 My heart sank to the floor.
A smile spread as wide as my grandma’s country fields
across your face.
You had me now
So
It seemed
You knew I had planned to leave.
Was tired of the fussing and fighting and up all night
crying.
In your eyes there was happiness.
In mine, there was disappointment and pain.
What would bringing another life into this chaos of a world
gain?
Most of the time
I myself am living with half a brain.
I wanted to go down to the place so that they could take it
away.
You cried on my stomach
 and
begged to let it stay.
What could I do-
Deep down
I was still in love with you
You thought this would slow
The inevitable
down-
Make me stick around.
So many promises that have now gone unfulfilled
She’s almost 4 years old now, and you haven’t kept your end
of the deal.
Don’t regret her presence.
Never thought I could love anyone like this.
Joy explodes deep inside
Just to be in her mist
She made me realize all the wrong things that I did
Gotta be more responsible now-
I’m a mother and a father to my kid
Still amazes me how one little being
Can make you change your life around-
I guess you still haven’t caught on as of yet-
Cause you’re still out there running around with those same
clowns-
Tryin’ to prove that even though you’re a daddy now
You’re still down
Don’t believe in calling the man out, just to make you do
what’s right
For my baby I’ll just have to
Struggle and fight
Raise her right
I can’t believe
That you helped to conceive
But won’t take heed
To your baby’s needs
Buying her
Tommy Hilfger Jeans and Ralph Lauren Shirts
To ease your guilt-
Brother, it just won’t work
Cause everytime you don’t keep a promise
It’s her-you hurt
I need you to help me
Make her a beautiful black woman
Who’s honest and strong
Teach her right from wrong
Only her daddy can make her see
Some of the things God didn’t provide in me
They say a girl’s daddy
Is the first man she ever loves and holds true
Well she needs much more than you’re giving
Where’s the love in you
Days and sometimes weeks can go by
And you won’t even call my baby
Just to say Hi
Can’t even look her in the eye
But quick to tell that same ole’ lie
“Yeah baby, daddy’s coming by”
Then daddy don’t show
Who has to hold it together
Mama
Cause you made my baby cry
One day they’ll wonder why
Her esteem is so low
The first man she ever loved
Left her out to dry
I don’t want to see my baby in the street
Looking for love in every man that she meet
Look at your child
A little bitty you
I’m posting my last questions-
Now what’ cha gonna do
Be there for her as a strong black man
Take care of your responsibility
As I know you can
Everyone keeps telling me to give up on you
Is that what I gotta do
Look at the repercussions of what you’re taking
Your baby girl through
Don’t you even care
Turning your back
Ain’t getting no where
She needs you man
But in replace of you
I’ll do all that I can
My baby will always know that she’s loved
Mama
Auntie
Granny 1 & 2
No daddy around
And
God up above