Feelings Of Despair

by Jhori Barksdale

I sit inside myself looking out
as the scene unfolds from within
Pure heart wrenching pain and anger
seems to consume every molecule of my being
Why must life deal such unfair and heavy blows
Giving character to a sea of unhappiness every where I go
I look to the heavens and ask my God why
Why do I have to still feel love when all I do is cry
Living inside myself I feel so lonely and confused
My soul has been dealt so many fatal blows
Now please tell me what road should I choose
Should I continue to forge onward
with the dark gray sky in my view
Should I turn my back on love
being sure once again I'll lose
Sorrow and fear consumes my spirit every which way I turn
Lessons of meaningless love cast aside 
Inside my soul forever burns
It's like a flame that someone keeps fanning
This war of hell between love and hate
My soulmate
How much longer shall I wait
Does he sit somewhere in hiding
Laughing at my tears
Destroying every remnant of love
I've felt through out my 31 years
Oh Lord, I can't take this anymore
Living inside this wall of pain
My grief is beginning to engulf my soul
What kind of game are you playing 
I know I should not question you Lord
But I'm so tired of the forever down casting rain
The darkness of disappointment Lord
has started to shut down my heart
I've known this familiar road before
and I've started to master the art
Of feeling no feelings when it comes to love 
I've learned to feel nothing at all
I'll build a sheet of armor around my heart
This great and sheltering wall
I'm trying to hold on Dear Lord as long as I possibly can
But I don't know how much longer
I can wait for this soulmate 
You say is to be my King
This wonderful kind loving black man

Feelings Of Despair by Jhori Barksdale

© Copyright 2002. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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