On New Year’s Eve December 2005, God’s prophetic promise for my life was unveiling. It was a family day! Full of laughter, dancing and singing to the sounds of Roy C; you know “Shotgun Wedding” and the all time favorite soulful ballad, “If I, oh if I could love you forever!” In which I must laugh because even the seven year old helped us sing these songs in unison; but ya’ll wouldn’t know anything about that. And at one point, my mom, she cried in jubilee because her children were there with her; we could have been any other place but we chose to spend the day with her. On this same night as our family captivated one another with each individual personality responding to the other, I slipped into a secret hiding place and I prayed asking God to “Let thy will be done” in my life. To ensure that I could fulfill my life’s purpose and become the ultimate woman in Christ by 2007, I asked HIM to keep me from all hurt, harm, and danger. On this night, I asked HIM to remove any diversions that would keep me from committing actions that would hinder my growth in HIM. You see by me finally saying “YES” I understand that this called for total submission. However because we live and breathe in the carnal realm, submission can be hard, therefore we must ask for assistance. Ask HIM to allow the Holy Spirit to fill the gaps created from being single; and women I don’t care how strong and proud we are or claim to be- feelings of loneliness, sadness, vulnerability, and lustfulness do exist and appear from time to time. I understand that the flesh is weak and the devil speaks; but while the devil is busy, God is busier.

The adversary was so shaken by my total submission that he just had to throw a curve ball my way. He just had to create a diversion of some sort to prey on one of the weaknesses of being single. For a short time in my life I thought I had eventually found the one that my parents would love; someone you could actually take home to mom. Not a husband, not a boy friend, but a presentable friend of the male species. However, when reality finally decided to check in 8 months later, I realized its true what they say, “everything that look good to you ain’t good for you.” Just because they say they go to church, just because they are established in a career, clean cut, with aspiring future goals (as does yourself), reality will tell you that these characteristics don’t mean jack. If the individual is not spiritually fed, then it is a waste of time. For we can all have religion; but religion without a personal relationship with God is nothing.

God has showed up and showed out in my life this year. This guy and I never went on a date, never spent any physical time together, but only saw one another by accident or in passing. Then for some REASON whenever we were to “hook up” it never happened. On those times when we were suppose to “hook up”; why is it that either my phone had no signal or there was a diversion of another sort on “his end.” This individual and I spoke more over the phone during this eight-month rendezvous than we did physically. When I was to “hook up” with him, the real HIM was actually shielding me from what I asked on New Year’s Eve, by slowly revealing to me that he was “hooking up” with someone else. HE was revealing to me that spiritually I was on a level that this person hadn’t even grasped mentally; remember religion without relationship is nothing.

Things were slowly being revealed of him, for HIM; his nature, his character, the real him that God knew HE had to protect me from. A being that God knew would emotionally hurt, mentally harm, and physically endanger my spirit. And during those times when someone else was moonlighting with him… I was slowly being led into a more intimate relationship with the divine HIM. I now realized that it was not meant for me to actually “hook up” with him but to “hook up” with HIM. The divine HIM that surpasses all understanding and heals and knows our inner secrets. If you let my mom tell it, the same HIM that wrapped me in HIS arms from birth and has been carrying me ever since. The divine HIM that knew the calling on my life before I was ever created. The HIM who understands that the flesh is weak and because of this will do anything to close that void.

And so on New Years Eve I made a promise to HIM and long ago before I was even an embryo in my “mama’s belly” HE made a promise to me… “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Today as tears of hurt and joy form in my eyes, I say thank you, to HIM!!!

Imagine that!