I Wasn't...

                           I wasn't happy

                          I wasn't relieved

                   I just didn't feel ugly anymore

                         Not ugly physically

                Ugly like a long dark dingy rainstorm

                 When you had just planned a picnic

                       Ugly as in a car wreck

                    Ugly like I'm playin' myself

                   Like I should have walked away

           100 "I don't wanna be with you anymore(s)" ago

                        Ten times before that

                          I decided to stay

                            Fight for you

                             I'm a Virgo

                        I love deep that way

      I should have left when you threw my clothes in the hall

                 And screamed in front of our child

                     For me to get the Fuck out

                     But I stood proud and tall

      I convinced you once again that we could work things out

              But you act as though I'm not in the room

                       What's that all about?

                       Your eyes glaze over me

              I feel like I died and my soul haunts you

                   But you are not aware I'm there

                           I'm right here

                     I shout, "I'm Right Here!"

                     And you still blindly stare

             I remember you said, "love is not enough."

     I should have took the hint then and simply packed my stuff

                  I remember you said you're angry

                  And it had nothing to do with me

      And said if "I were you, after what I've put you through,

                   I wouldn't hesitate to leave."

                    I remember when I asked you

           If you saw yourself with me five years for now

              You looked at me and said "I don't know."

                All I could do was hang my head down

      You know, you always hear about the Black men that cheat

                      The ones that walked away

                   And left his children abandoned

                           Without any say

                       The Black men that beat

              That hit their companion to make a point

              You rarely hear of those that stay there

             And provided a shoulder to catch your tears

      That put up with the unjustly accusations year after year

                           I'm not perfect

                  But I'm definitely not the worse

                 And I've always been there for you

                    Took things I didn't deserve

  But I told you I'd fight until I'm down to my last tooth and nail

Then I'll have no choice but to let you go once common sense prevails

  I left you last night after you said, "I don't want you anymore."

                               And so,

                 Without you, my life is day by day

                          Only 29,000 to go