My boyfriend and I broke up.
I told him I needed time;
which turned out to be
euphemistic for breakup.
We were together 8 months
I admit I thought he was the one.
We talked about everything it seemed,
good books, good food, good points,
good possibilities of what we could be,
while basking in the glow,
enjoying who we were
when we were together.
We attended a wedding once
where we danced the day away.
Staring in each other's eyes
as though we finally found
what we were looking for
while simultaneously wondering
where we'd been all each other's lives;
brought back to the reality of
at least we are here now.
We had long talks in the shower,
passionate debates in the shower,
talks of things and those
we admired in their genius and
their moments of wtf,
in the shower,
and of course there were other moments...
In the shower.
We couldn't get enough of
each other's brain but
I begun to realize that we
couldn't get each other's hearts.
We said I love you
a thousand times
and each time
we thought we meant it.
We took trips,
wrote love letters,
even poems
for each other.
We read each other's stories
which we wrote before we even met.
I thought we were soulmates,
but to be soul mates
there has to be a soul.
He tried to tell me
on many occasions
that his life, x wife,
him not being with his
three kids
and child support
was taking pieces of him
he could no longer hold on to,
but I did not hear him.
He told me that he felt as if
he was so trapped from yesterday
that he could hardly breath the air
of his tomorrow's,
but I did not hear him.
He told me that the presence,
connectivity, consumption
and possession I craved,
he could not give me.
Not because he didn't want to,
but because he was fighting
for air, for freedom from his past,
and his what seemed like
would be all his tomorrow's.
He told me that my requirement
for his emotional presence
was perhaps hindered
before we met
and yet
I still wanted to show him
tomorrow
would be a brighter day.
But with all of my tomorrows
he needed me today
and with all of his today's
I needed his tomorrows.
It was too late.
We were becoming
the best of times
and the worst of times.
I wasn't giving him what he needed,
he wasn't giving me what I wanted.
So I asked for a break one day
when he looked through me,
past me,
over me,
around me,
he did not see me.
Although I saw him,
I did not see him,
the way he wanted me to see him.
He was trapped by his
yesterdays
while I tried
to run to
tomorrow's.
We never came back
from our break,
it was over.
We stood there,
in a room
whose walls once smiled
at the meare sight of us;
as if it was nothing,
Now we were nothing
but stubbornness,
pride,
regrets on my part
he denied his.
Concluding that
I would have never given him
what he needed,
I think that was easier to believe,
it didn't require any more work
and he could go back
to comfort,
apathy ,
que sera sera
and I having learned
a lesson
that may never serve me
because the moments
then now and tomorrow
had passed...
The ship has sailed.
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