INTRO

I continue to run from the shadow of my darkness as fast as I can but I trip and fall back in this deceiving web of lust. We share this good and bad strong intense passion that constantly blazes through us.

It's something about him that made me want to sin. With his mysterious silhouette hiding behind of cloud of darkness his presence gives me a euphoric feeling that was too good to be true.

Soft & slow is how he does it while speaking to me in a calm serene voice stimulating me emotionally before he has me physically. Using the most effective aphrodisiac: his words....

I never thought it could be; there was a stranger living inside of me. I thought I had it all together. I thought my love would be unconditional forever. And then something changed, curiosity took me over; It was just a little physical attraction, and an innocent smile that lasted for a little while. My curiosity has become a growing pain I knew this would be wrong, but I had to continue on.

We've known each other for some time now and flirting with each other was our thing. I never wanted to know any details about this man nor gain anything financially or emotionally but at the same time I was very attracted to this man. I have been married now for three years and believe me marriage is over rated. He doesn't beat me, he works a decent job, and he comes home every night; I guess you could say he was finally doing all the right things.

David and I have what many think is the perfect marriage: with no visible dysfunctions it would appear to be that way. Believe me there is no such thing as the perfect man. I know David loves me, he tells me often that I am his world and his reason for living. Personally, I think he likes the way it sounds coming out of his mouth.

But no one is perfect or close to it, the devil takes many forms of life. You just never know. I am a very personal person and I feel my business is my business. I believe most people are in love with the fact of being engaged and the excitement of the wedding. This doesn't mean I don't love my husband, but temptation will conquer all.

Each day I began to yearn for him more after our deep intellectual conversations while staring into his enigmatic eyes, wanting to touch his midnight like skin and wishing he would smother me with his thickest kisses. I keep telling myself, "oh he just something new." Or maybe I just want my cake and be able to eat it too. I really don't know what to do! As the weekend began to approach, my curiosities continue to brew. My girlfriends and I were discussing our weekend plans not knowing this weekend will be the last of many.

If we all knew our fate we would try and control our destiny.

FRIDAY NIGHT

MY girlfriends and I pulled into the VIP lounge of Dexter's. It was off the chain. Anybody that was somebody hung there. Without any negative intentions we began our night with a few drinks and a little conversation and what do you know, Thaddeus was standing next to me. If you have not figured out who Thaddeus is by now, well let's just say, he is a God given creature that will make any woman's heart throb.

I am so exhausted from fighting what I feel I for this man. What I am feeling for him I don't want any of it to be true but I continue to question what I want or what this could be. If I were single this would be a simple decision for me. With a noticeable look of confusion all over my face my girlfriend gave me a little shove; I snapped back to reality. She asked if I knew him. Yes, this is Thaddeus Sams and this is my girlfriend Shelia Appleton. I am telling you this man is so fine when he smiled, honey I could hear every women panties in the room hitting the floor. His smile made my girlfriends and I sweat. I then heard someone say if you don't get him I will. Laughter erupted around our small crowd. Before I knew it, we were having the time of our lives and it is very uncommon for all of us (girlfriends) to enjoy ourselves simultaneously.

Thaddeus and I were walking to my car when he asked me to have breakfast with him. I was taken aback with his tantalizing statement. It was too hard for me to resist this man. He insisted that it would only be an hour. I fell for it, of course. We began talking about music and he told me about his collection of music. He said maybe sometime you could come over and visit my collection and me. I asked why couldn't we do it now. Yes, I was trying to get all in his business. So within a matter of seconds our plan had changed. When we arrived at his home, my heart was beating at a rapid pace; I was sincerely nervous but Thaddeus knew exactly what to do. He lit some candles and poured us both a drink. He began to play a variety of Keith Sweat and Gerald Levert; the man had me so comfortable if he would have asked for my social security number and mother's maiden I probably would have told him.

Before putting on my coat he whispered a sensual but simple a thank you in my ear and told me, “now that you're here, I want to make you come and by the way I give good head.” With a devilish smile he continued to say whatever came to mind: his goal was to capture my full attention. My mouth was wide open with a lump forming in my throat; my hands were sweating – I can't believe I was that nervous. Before I could open my mouth to speak, he cut me off and told me to just relax. He sat me back on his couch. I deeply inhaled his smell, tasting the sweet nectar running through his blood. I'd become mesmerized by the look in his eyes. The candlelight was flickering and the sound of the music went with the flow of his hands going up and down my body. Kissing me gently on my neck continuing down my back, ooh child he needs to stop. He was releasing all the tension in my muscles slowly and easily. I wanted to yell his name as he continued further down south while parting my legs. He then moved me closer to the edge of the couch and picked me up to continue our relentless quest in his bedroom. He controlled our every move with no objection from me. With the morning approaching I had to get home, my husband was going to kill me. Thaddeus drove me back to my car. I really didn't know what to say to him. This was it right? We both had satisfied our curiosity.

SATURDAY

I arrived home about 4 a.m. in the morning. I could hear David's snoring from the other side of the room and smell the liquor on his breath each time he inhaled. Good thing for me, he was passed out. I tiptoed slowly towards the bed, I could still smell Thaddeus's cologne on me but I was too tired to try and cover it up. David was up at the crack of dawn cutting the grass. My head was pounding from the little liquor I did have because the majority of the night Thaddeus had me intoxicated. My eyes were squinting towards the window, the sun was shining brightly through the blinds. I heard the lawnmower stop and I looked out the window; David was speaking with this guy but I could barely see him. I threw on my housecoat and walked towards the bathroom. As I reached down to turn on the shower, I had a strange feeling; it was a dejavu. I looked slowly toward the window and back at the door but nothing was there. Chills formed up my spine but I shook it off and continued on with my day. David came into the house and told me he was leaving to go play ball with a few of his homies.

If we all knew our fate we would try and control our destiny.

Shelia and I had plans to go to the mall this afternoon to shop for the Mary J. Blige concert. I arrived at Shelia's house around 2 p.m. that afternoon. Shelia does not play; she is very classy woman. I don't know if she sleeps in her make up or what but girlfriend always looks good. She was putting on her last minute touches to her face. I urged Shelia to hurry up since I wanted enough time to rest before the concert and not to mention we have to pick up my slow-moving sister.

Shortly after we arrived at the mall; we bumped into Thaddeus. “Hello, how are you?” I said staring intensely and reminiscing about last night.

“Better than ever”, Thaddeus said with a devilish grin on his face. “This is a coincidence and a pleasure.”

He was right; I have never bumped into this man in public before. Before I got a chance to respond; someone approached us.

“What's up man, did you get everything you needed for tonight? -- Hey, don't I know you?” The guy was looking at me, I couldn't put my finger on it but I couldn't remember his face but it was something about him I have seen him before. “No, I don't believe so, I am Stacy and you are?”

“I'm Thaddeus's cousin, Mike.” Mike was average height with a muscular build with smooth caramel skin.

“Do you gentlemen have plans for tonight?"

"Yes, Thaddeus and I are going to see Mary J. tonight."

"Really, what another coincidence," I said.

“We are too”, Shelia said. “I'm Shelia and this is Niecee, Stacy sister. Hopefully, we will see you guys there."

Before walking away Thaddeus whispered in my ear and asked me to meet him by the food court in one hour. Sheila and Niecee were still window-shopping; I wish they would make up their minds. Glancing at my watch I began to walk toward the food court. While I was walking I told Niecee and Shelia to continue on and I would be back. They had no idea that I was meeting Thaddeus. Thaddeus was sitting off to the side in the corner intensely watching people in the crowd. What is he or who is looking for?

“Hi”, I startled him.

“Hey baby, I asked you to meet because I was hoping you had a little time before you had to get home.”

I said smiling, “depends on what you have in mind; I may be able to accommodate you.”

“I do have something in mind and I am positive you will enjoy yourself.”

I told him that I had to find my sister and Shelia. After twenty minutes of walking around the mall I found Shelia. “I am leaving with a friend and I'll call you as soon I as I got home”.

Sheila asked whom was I leaving with? “Never mind, I know with whom; you think you are slick? Don't think I don't know what you did last night. Stacy its all over your face. But girl, I ain't mad at you. We only live once. Stace, just be careful, I know you know him from around the job but you don't know him like that.”

"I'll be careful, I promise. Oh by the way, can you pick me up something to wear?”

“I guess so.” Shelia said.

I hurried back to Thaddeus and we went back to his place. He began telling me how I have been on his mind more than ever after last night and how he had been waiting for that day for us to be together. Thaddeus continued on, “All of my spare time is occupied thinking of you. I never thought I would be confessing my feelings to you but what else can I do. We have shared many short but sweet moments together talking and laughing, which I graciously enjoy. It has gotten to the point I can't wait to see you.”

I tried to respond but he put his finger over my lips as if he knew what I was thinking and said, “Before you challenge what I feel for you try to accept what I have just told you. You don't have to feel the same way right now I just couldn't hold that in any longer. Eventually, maybe you will feel the same way about me.”

I didn't know what to say, I was taken aback from what he just said. I didn't know how to handle it. I just continued to stare at him; I couldn't move. He was looking at me with this intense confused look on his face as if he was waiting for me to do or say something. After a brief moment of silence, Thaddeus stood in front of me and kneeled down on both knees and placed his hands on my thighs. He pulled me close to him and gave me passionate kiss. He began to eliminate the confusion rolling through my mind like thunder. His kisses felt so good but everything felt so wrong. I wanted to stop him but I couldn't his presence some how mesmerized me. He picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. It went down. I jumped up, “Oh [Censored] its 5:30 the concert starts in couple of hours I have to get to Shelia's house to pick up my out fit and then home.”

I arrived home a little before six o'clock. I began looking for David; he should have been home by now. Maybe he had stopped to see his brother. It was time for me to start getting dressed. I walked into the bathroom, when I turned on the shower I thought I heard a scratching sound at the window. I turned to look out the window but I couldn't see anything. The steam was rising from the shower curtain and I walked over to the mirror and wiped the steam away with my hand. It felt like someone was watching me; I look toward the window again. Nothing was there. I called out for David, no answer. I am tripping. It was 7:20 when the doorbell rang it was Shelia and Niecee. “Hey, I thought yall were David, he still isn't home from playing ball. Which is strange, he knew we were all going to the concert. I have been calling his phone now for over an hour.”

We waited another 15 minutes before leaving. “Maybe I should just leave his ticket here and he can meet us there. I can't believe him, this isn't like him he usually answers his phone or calls right back.” Niecee told me to keep trying him.

It was approaching 8:15 and local group was performing. There were no signs of David. Sheila wanted to go and get a drink before Mary performed. As we stood in line, I heard a familiar voice say softly to me, “You are looking gorgeous as usual.” It was Thaddeus.

“Thank you, where is your cousin?” I asked. “He was behind me, he's probably trying to game some woman,” he said joking. "Where are your seats?"

“Middle section front row”, Sheila blurted out. I looked at her like she was crazy she knew dang well David could show up at anytime. We had short conversation, but Sheila was rushing me so that we could get back to our seats. Mary J. was about to begin with her show. It was almost 10:00 and no sign of my husband. Now I was getting worried. He has never done anything like this before. Thaddeus and I spoke after the concert; he wanted to go have a few drinks. I told him that we would meet him at the bar but I had to go home and do something first.

I arrived home around 11:40 p.m. and David still was not home and he didn't call. I was pissed, he better had been in trouble or he was going to be. I was so upset I fell asleep.

SUNDAY

I jumped out of my sleep I had a really eerie feeling the clock read 4:00 a.m. I started to call David's cell phone no answer. I paced back and forth for about an hour. I fell back asleep. When I woke up I looked over to the clock and it read 8:28 a.m. I was looking through David's things to find phone numbers of some of friends. I called Darnell first, his closet friend, he told me that they left the basketball court around 5 p.m. yesterday: he was rushing to get home because you all had plans. I could tell by the tone of his voice he had become concerned.

Darnell asked, “Stacey, when was the last time you talked to him?”

"Yesterday before I went the mall around two o'clock. Well if you hear from him Darnell, can please have him call home?”

“Sure thing baby.” After I hung the phone I tried David's phone again.

An hour had passed, I decided to take a shower, I heard something again but I didn't pay any attention to it. I got in the shower I thought I heard the front door close. I began calling out for David, but no answer. The phone began to ring; I ran to answer the phone.

“Hello,” I said anxiously.

“How are you doing baby?”

It was Thaddeus. "I'm okay, how did you get my house number?”

He told me that wasn't important. He was calling to see if everything was okay with me. He thought we were going out after the concert to have drinks and he wanted to see me again today. I told him I couldn't do that and I began to explain to him what was going on. I told him David has never done anything like this before. He acted as if I shouldn't be worried about my husband from the comments he was making. I couldn't deal with him right now, I had to find my husband. He asked me how do I know if he didn't leave me. I couldn't believe he said that. He doesn't know him like that for that matter he doesn't know me that well either. I told him, my husband comes before anyone and anything. I told him I had to go and I would call him later. I don't think he liked that but who cares, I was worried about David.

If we all knew our fate we would try and control our destiny.

Darnell called back to tell me he has been trying to call David since we hung up from each other. He is still not answering, I told him he wasn't answering for me either. He told me that he would call around to a few places and call me back. An hour later I looked outside and saw the truck that was outside yesterday morning while David was cutting the grass. When I went to the door I couldn't see anyone in the truck. I was trying to close the door when the door suddenly swung back open. When I turned towards the door Thaddeus was standing there.

"Thaddeus what are you doing here?"

"I am here for you."

"Excuse me?"

"I am here for you," he repeated.

"Thaddeus you can't be here and I told you what was going on."

"And I asked you, 'how do you know if he didn't just leave you?'"

When I asked him to leave, he wouldn't. He picked up his cell phone and called someone and told him to come and bring me my surprise. I went the door and asked him to leave again and told him I didn't want anything from him. We had only a fling, a one-night stand, a booty call. It was nothing between us. He snatched me away from the door and instructed me to sit down. He asked why didn't I want to be with him. I didn't respond. He asked several more times and I wouldn't respond.

The phone began to ring, I told him it might be David I should answer the phone. He told me not to move and to let my voicemail pick it up. "But what if it is my husband?"

He said, “I know it's not.”

A large lump formed in my throat, my heart was beating fast, and I began to perspire. "How do you know, Thaddeus?" I asked over and over again.

He finally asked if I loved him or not? WHAT? Look Thaddeus, please tell me how or what you know about my husband? Why are you acting like this?

Thaddeus phone rung, “Is everything in place, alright bring it in.” He went to the door, I saw Mike. He was carrying a big duffle bag with him. He began to walk toward my basement as Thaddeus and I followed. “OH MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM”, I screamed. David's was slumped over in a chair in the corner with his feet and hands were bound together. I ran to him screaming and yelling for him to wake up, Thaddeus grabbed my hair tightly and pulled me away from him and told me to stay away from him. I asked him why was he doing this to us. Thaddeus began to speak and Mike was pouring something around David. I knew had to stay calm and maybe he would let us go.

“Stacey, I have been in love with for a long time now. When I first saw you I had to have you. I found out that you worked over at the Financial Institute so I started to come in everyday like I worked there just to run into you. I have followed you home, to the mall, your sister and friend's houses for the last six months. The other night when we got together you sealed the deal. Don't look at me like that; you didn't once check to see if I worked in the building, what I did, or whom I knew. So you can blame yourself also. I have listened to your phone calls at work and home. I have even watched you make love to that nigga. I thought I almost gave myself away the other day when you were taking a shower; I truly thought you saw me at the window. You should pay more attention.”

I was speechless. "Thaddeus what do you want from us?"

"I want you, I told you that."

"I can't leave my husband and start a new life with you; that's crazy."

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that."

He pulled a handgun out of the duffle bag and aimed it at David.

"Please," I begged him. "I will do what ever you want. Please don't hurt him this is my fault, please." I was crying and screaming hysterically when Mike slapped me across my face, he sent me straight to the floor.

Thaddeus came to help me off the floor and told me to stop screaming he wasn't going to hurt me. He just wanted me to leave with him after I made love to him in front of David. I told him only if he didn't hurt my husband. He asked Mike to go upstairs and make himself comfortable. Thaddeus began to remove my clothing and then we heard a loud thump come from upstairs. But he continued to take off my clothing I had closed my eyes for a split second, when I opened them I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. It was Darnell, he launched towards the gun Thaddeus had in his hand. The gun went off, no one was moving. I jumped and ran towards David. As I was untying David, Thaddeus was standing behind me with blood on his shirt. I looked over at Darnell he had been shot. I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not.

David was waking up and before I could finish untying him Thaddeus had snatched me away from him. He began to yell, “didn't I tell you to stay away from him? Do you want me to kill him too?” He then hit David over the head with the pistol. It was now or never, I grabbed the gun we began to tussle, we fell over David: The gun went off again.

Silent whispers began to caress my ears: I then felt one tear streaming down my chin. My mind was in a state of shock and my reaction was really slow. Past, present and future thoughts were entering in my mind one way, I couldn't figure out what was being said. All I know is that I heard two muffled voices. My body and soul had been torn apart. I was being taunted by unwanted feelings. Unfortunately, there was no hope for healing my visible wounds. A broken heart and a gunshot wound to the stomach: invisible breezes began to steal my last few breaths. I was fading in and out. Before I closed my eyes I heard another loud bang. And then a peaceful light surrounded me.

If we all knew our fate we would try and control our destiny.