Truth, A 3:00 a.m. Rant

by Glendon Cameron

Today I am in a pensive mood brought on by recent events of my life. This week's aim is to seek to prompt a discussion of matters of truth. Not my truth or your truth, just the unbiased truth it there is such a thing. An essential truth, that speaks in somber tones. A salient truth that doesn't bend nor conform to common expectations of man's simple self directed purposes. As provocative as honesty is, there is a dearth, a mile high and twenty leagues deep of congruency in life. We lie to each other and ourselves. Far too soon, we even begin to believe our own lies. Becoming walking facades of our own choosing. Yet, blaming society for the choices we make some never realizing our immediate inner world is just a reflection of self. To tell the truth or curl the truth sometimes is a daily task. Breaking a cycle supported by peers and strangers alike is nothing short of paramount. Even when we speak the truth, there is duplicity concerning how and the why we deliver honesty. Is it a cleansing and edifying truth? Is it a truth poised to destroy and wound? Judging from my own experiences, As narrow as that may be, the latter is more readily shared, given, deposited. The quote "you can't handle the truth!" from the movie A FEW GOOD MEN. Is amply approperiate in context for this discussion. Handling truth is akin to handling hot coals you do it the wrong way you get burnt.

That quote by Jack Nicholson was something I thought was fun to say in a joking manner. In reality it is actually more damning than I originally assumed? Even if you know something is true it still feels like you have been slapped when it is spoken. That is a weakness that I want to eradicate from my character. The unease in which I accept the truth on matters concerning myself is down right juvenile. I can safety say many people feel this way. We often, with a sincere gleam in our eyes say "tell me the truth," then proceeded to punish the person so severely when the truth is poured. It is a wonder if that person will ever bring that type of truth to the table again. That is if they are even speaking to you. Think of all of the people you know in your life. That you can tell the truth to and it will not harm of end the relationship? Not many as many we like to think.

As African Americans (I stopped at black) many of things that happen(s) to us, were and are self-induced. To the very beginning seeds of slavery that helped our ancestors reach these shores. To certain forms of racism we perpetuate to that job loss from incompetence not discrimination. Do not step on the train of wrong conclusions. Assuming I am oblivious to the devastating legacy of racism. In my opinion we have help the machine grow at our own detriment, day in, day out. We use half-truths, subterfuge, as cover and a dubious forms of comfort, but when our asses are freezing from the cold wind of discontent and unrealized expectations. We want to scream unfair! I say if living a lie gives you comfort go with it, however do not be surprised when the jaws of reality bite you in the ass.

I was wronged! Is often an expression yelled when things did not go as planned. The injustice of it all! Funny thing though, we are often not wronged, but frequently wrong in the highest degree. The situation is like a trigonometry problem. If the math in the beginning of the formula is incorrect, no matter how hard you worked on the rest of the problem it is not right. Never was, never will be. A house built on poor foundation will crumble sooner or later it is inevitable.

This elevated level of collective collusion we live in is spawned by deeply rooted fears of truth. This is really learned behavior. But how do you undo millenniums of learned behavior?

Fear of not being accepted or loved strangely enough pushed these desire outcomes away. If the forms of acceptance and love you have move out of your life at the hint of ill winds, in terms of relationships substantial or otherwise. You really were not accepted to begin with. That circle of life spins upon a weak spindle. One that will crack and leave one stranded and despondent. How to change from half a person to a full fledge human capable of receiving and dispensing the truth is something I am pondering daily. Nevertheless I am trying diligently. I have tremendous faith in this path I walk. The pain I have accepted, is just a form of paying dues and tolls for the privilege of being here. On this journey to a higher and saner self I march. The time is 3:15 a.m.

Truth, A 3:00 a.m. Rant by Glendon Cameron

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