Musings of a Mhad Man Preparations Of Love
by Glendon Cameron
Are you ready to receive and return Love?
Hello Peeps! I am in a really good mood today! So, this will be light and easy. Okay, if you believe that....
The quest that we will embark on today is about love and its presence in or out of our lives. My destination is to arrive at the juncture of understanding and deeper knowledge about this issue that affects us all. Many people have pondered this time and time again. Why am I at this place in my life by my lonesome? If it is not the wrong person, it is the wrong time, the wrong week and so on. Why in the name of Jesus can't this thing work its self out! Why are all of the good men taken? Why are all of the good women gone? (For those of you *WHO* are in a state of complete bliss being, living, and loving yourselves by yourselves or otherwise happily engaged in pure relationship ecstasy, stop reading and bless you. Oh by the way, give a brother a call.... I need tips!)
The aforementioned lamentable expressions and other equally misguided notions lead people to some very erroneous conclusions. People meet and grow to love each other everyday! It can and does happen on a regular basis. Could it be you are not prepared to be loved or even be in a relationship? *Sigh* Is he crazy! Of course I want that special someone in my life, God is not ready for me to go there yet. The *Right One * has not showed up.... Yeah that is it. Whatever! I am not buying it! Sorry I can't do it! The Creator sends us blessings each and everyday in many different forms, some us are too obtuse to realize and accept those blessings. That is on us, not God. The Creator has given us plenty to* WORK* with to make our lives better and prosperous. Going back to the word * Work* that is the area that must be addressed and groomed.
More than just a few people want that perfect love with no complications or the totally unencumbered person free of defects and faults. GET REAL! No such animal exists. It is not high expectations that create problems it is unrealistic ones that do us in. Believing in false and elevated standards of what an ideal mate would have or be has created a collective sigh of despair and hopelessness in the arena of partnering (i.e. long term relationship, shacking, cohabitation (*he he* I like the term shacking better or marriage). I left out the" hit and quit it” crew for obvious reasons.
Preparing for love sounds a little odd I know. Love is supposed to just happen and be beautiful. I am a hopeless romantic and even I know better! Love takes time; sometimes you meet the one and know it right away. However, there are still things that must be discovered about that person…and this is a process that unfolds on its own accord. I think chemistry is something that just occurs. A.K.A. LUST! Yes, there is more to it but lust is a strong element, to strong to be ignored when at times it should be. Now that the Fairytale has been spoken of, on to real life. Gathering evidence from my past, experiences of friends and family, you have better odds of winning the lottery than being in a fulfilling and lasting relationship following the Fairytale path. Treating love as an element that can be prepared for and maintained following a strategy, granted is not as spontaneous and awe inspiring as * falling in love. My belief is that by viewing LOVE from a practical perspective (stop sucking your teeth it can be done!) is a more lasting and soul satisfying than the Fairytale method. Hey! That is a new one PRACTICAL LOVE sounds like a good book title ...I will tuck that away for later. Back on track, How does one prepare for love? Good question, here are my views on the subject. You knew this was coming....
The best place is to start with self. Introspection and brutal honesty of who you are and what you want out of life. What is your reason for living? If you never have questioned your self in that manner try it, there is a possibility of it being one of the most illuminating moments of your life. I think a person with a purpose in life is more prepared to form a relationship. Why? Simple, if you have a purpose you have a life and energy unto yourself, you are not trying to siphon off of the energy of another person, which is what happens when a person with no direction couples with a person that does have direction. In its self this is not a bad situation. If a high level of maturity is present this can work, however most people are not mature enough to stay in the role they chose. One day the ship without a rudder wants to sail in a direction of its own choosing, which is cool, but the ship still wants to be supplied by the fleet under the old contract. No can do!
The ripples of change turn into waves. Conflict and agitation are usually on the horizon of this type of union, unless one completely submits to the other, in the case of submittee resentment grows like a tumor. At first nothing is there, but over time it gets in the way of the relationship and must be extracted, usually by dissolving the union. Preferably it is better to start on equal footing, mentally that is. Mature people that respect each other can accomplish and handle a lot.
Once you are engaged in a life of your own, producing your own joy and happiness. You are better suited to bring more of it *JOY* in your life, with the right person. Knowing self is paramount to making the right choices. Do you know what qualities a person needs to show you for you to feel loved and be loved? Somewhat confusing eh? Well here is an example I will use myself, I need to be touched and held to feel loved. No lie, it is the truth. Hearing it is cool, spending money on me is appreciated, but they all pale in comparison to being held. I need to feel it. Hence, I stay away from women who are not inclined to be close in that way, what is the point? They are not bad women in any sense of the word. They are just HIGHLY incompatible with me.
I will be miserable and they will be pissed! (Why you always up on me boi!) If I do not get that physical intimacy, I feel unappreciated, not care about and this has nothing to do with sex. How did I discover this about myself? Inventory of past relationships, the ones I felt the most loved and secure in, were with ladies that were touchers as I call them. Caressing and handholding were a constant theme in the relationships. Of course other variables came into play, such as intelligence, but for me touching is a BIGGIE. What makes you feel loved, cherished and appreciated? What do you say peeps? What will it be? Honesty, respect, a note in your undies drawer or HAVING THE BILLS PAID that's for you Freda. We all have that something if not present we are not moved no matter how well the rest of the situation is. How is that for one man's twisted opinion?
Note your happiness is your responsibility, not that of your mate, as long as you keep that in mind, many misunderstandings can be avoided. For some strange reason we have it in our minds that people make us happy. This is not so, we allow others to share in our happiness, for it comes from within. Not the other ways around as most people think. Pondered this, if you entrust your happiness to someone else, can you become angry with that person if it is mismanaged? Seeing how they never should had that much control over it to begin with? Two people living, loving working hard, yes HARD! That is one of the biggest killers of relationships one ambitious, the other coasting. We all need help from time to time, but some folks take it to far. What was initially taken as help and support, turns into a dependency. A hard cycle to get off of. This is the first segment of this topic, I know a brother has been.... Longwinded with these pieces so I am trying to condense.