by Nate Booker

My body bears the battle scars of countless times I've fought
But for me there were no victories and there were no lessons taught.

Each mem'ry that I recollect is filled with pain and screams,
I'm haunted when I'm wide awake and terrorized in my dreams.

Blood and sweat and salted tears, agony held in check,
By the fear that some may pity me and shatter my self respect,

Which already bears wounds that just won't heal no matter how hard I try;
So at times I feel like a walking corpse that doesn't have the sense to die.

Emotional intimacy is hard for me 
it's a 'hide' that I can't seek,

Because I've been stifled and trifled, my heart's been rifled
It's beating is shallow and weak.

I want to but I don't know how, I don't know how to heal
I lack the courage to open up and the will to share and feel

I feel like I am all alone, trapped by the walls I've built 
Others crushed my beating heart but it's me who carries the guilt.

At times I do see a little light, but it's faint and dim and bleak
It flickers like a candle in the howling wind, it's fading and it's weak

I smile at times but they're rare and few, they're the mask that only I wear,
So no one knows I'm alone in a crowd, so they don't have to pretend to care.

I guess this is the end of me, because I don't know where I began
All I've ever been is an afterthought of family, of love, of friend.

So this is where this Pen will end, the finish I supposed...
So I won't try to think of any winsome quip or soliloquy or prose

Like me this poem will fade away and silently come to a close.

Aberration by Nate Booker

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