The Road Back to Me

by Blackpearl

Why do I run after affection?
I know it's not love and will soon
Turn into rejection.
How can I expect them to value me?
When I give myself too easily?
I am too old for this shit, I say.
I have to learn my value
And stop giving me away.
Where do I start?
What do I do?
How do I convince myself that I am worthy of true love too?
I have to dig deep into my secret place
I have to look in the mirror and love my own face.
I can't continue to look outside for what is inside of me.
Can't go on giving all of me
I have no me left for me
They use me, abuse me, until they are content
Have no more use for me and now I am spent.
Each time it will be different, I want to believe.
But I can't go on this way anymore, if I want to achieve
The love God has for me
I have to seek it with my all
It's just no one understands my issues when they come to call
I get so tired of being used up and thrown away.
I get tired of being the fool, each and everyday
How can I know my true worth if no one ever told me
How do I not give sex, if I just want someone to hold me
They don't hold me anyway
Do their business and turn away
I am left to stare at a shoulder blade
Can't believe again, the fool I've made
Why can't they hear my soul calling
Why can't I stop myself from falling
For the same old bullshit, every time
Why do they choose to use my body
And neglect my mind
It's not all their fault
In fact the fault lies with me.
I am so tired of being used and left for dead
Why can't I get the moral to the story in my head?
They act like they don't see me, like I'm not even there
I always thought making love, showed you cared
No one plays this game by the rules, I've been shown
Just being a woman does not make me grown
After all this time, I'm still a little girl
Lonely and scared
My own father didn't care

The Road Back to Me by Blackpearl

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